it's all started with Plaster of Paris

goodbye(or not)

2011-11-09T01:56:00.001-08:00

salam.

im saying goodbye to this old place.waiting for you here

alhamdulillah

2011-09-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

salam.

here is just a quick update on what the latest happenings in my life.well,as what stated in facebook,my status has changed from single to married.alhamdulillah.Allah has granted my dua.

so how's life as a wife,as asked by many since i got married.to them...i just smiled.honestly i have no answer yet.the best part being a wife is i have the right to love the husband as much and as best as i could.in fact it's my responsibility to do so.there's no boundary as to how,when and where the love could be expressed.its a freedom for both man and woman that Allah has granted once a man recited the akad.after 8 years of relationship,surely the new bond that ties us together will be greatly appreciated.

and honestly,marriage is a good learning ground for me.from the husband i have learnt a lot since day one.certainly marriage is no walk in a park,but no matter how many humps and bumps along the road,we hold our hands tight and brave through everything together.

i think that's all for tonight.

i'll write again iAllah :)

comparison kills.

2011-07-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

salam.

how cruel work can be that it deters me from writing here.haih.thousand apologize.i think this is the longest i've ever been hibernated from this page or do i have an even worse record before?gosh,i hope not.

it's already july.2011.thinking about how time flies so fast enough to tickle my spines.hope i dont miss out any important things before the event.i think i am now going through a painful period of waiting.so far this is the hardest time.i tried to gather all my strength and faced it alone but i just couldn't do it alone any longer.i need a break.let's just wait till he comes home.

yes till he's home......

eeeee....benci la rasa sedih2 ni.layan cite korea pon bagus.jom :))

of getting married(ntah edisi ke berapa)

2011-06-07T04:53:00.000-07:00

salam.
forgive me if u peeped thru here and no new entry was written.i was caught up in between the craziness of my work and the feeling of laziness that would never go away,duh!so im officially 26 years old a few days ago and yet i still feel like i'm 16!haha.age is just a number right?what's more important is the way we feel about ourselves and how we enjoy our life.This year,i celebrated my birthday at work and on the road cause we had another road-tripping to the south.boy,it was different from the last 6 six years where i spent with my friends back in dublin.no more fancy holiday in european countries on my buffday like previous years.but blowing candles in front of my sister and mak was the best thing that happened in years.mak recited some prayers beforehand and that's the best gift a person could have given me ;)

my cousins whom i dearly miss.seronok dpt kumpul like this once in a while.

and now lets talk about something erm...different.haha.when i was reviewing patients..i was daydreaming about my wedding.when i'm filling in blood forms,i was day dreaming about my wedding and when i'm about to sleep,again....the same thing would happen.i think i'm having this wedding blues.haha.is it normal?dah la tgh posting ward yg dhsyat gile teruk,boleh pulak berangan-angan camni.ishk..ishk..owh ya,my consultant now perangai dahsyat gile lae truk dari boss anne hathaway dlm the devil wears prada tu :(((

the unwanted nauseous feeling

2011-05-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

salam.

before 5
all of us(read:me and my 6other colleagues) were bored to death for not having much work to do since 10am this morning.everyone including the boss couldn't hardly wait for 5pm so that we could punch out and dissappeared from the hosp compound.what an atypical day but i love it.hehe.

after 5.

i started to miss him so terribly.
i hate not seeing him over the weekend when i'm off from work.
i despised the fact i couldn't text him goodnight
i missed his laugh,his jokes,his smell around me.
and what i missed the most is his presence.
*paling rindu adalah bila dia buat lawak-lawak kecil yang i try not to laugh berpura-pura macho but it tickles my tummy deep inside that i silently had to laugh when i turned the other way around or when he's not looking*<---i dunno why i feel not right no laugh in front of him.haha.

missing loads.

2011-04-21T06:18:00.000-07:00

salam.

waaahh..mcm dah lama tadak masa nk berleisure tulis blog bagai macam malam ni.hari-hari balik rumah fikir nk settlekan baju yg nk beriron,beg yg nak berkemas dan lunch box for tomorrow.mmg tadak life.but hey,that perception mmg kena ubah.so as a first step towards happier future.....let's write something here.

before 5.
while settling ward works before heading home,me,my colleague and mr boss were having this casual chat on why people still choose medicine despite the lifeless nature of it.our conclusion is:most of these people were not properly informed of the consequences of choosing doctor as a career.who would want to take care of like 45-50 patients in the middle of the night while other people are so soundly asleep?that is only a small gist of being a doctor.i need not tell u more.cukuplah bila pesakit sendiri hairan bila u tak balik dr pagi semalam ke petang harini sampai pesakit pun tnya"doctor tak balik rumah ke?marathon jaga ward ek"demn.

after 5.
waaaarggghhh....baru 4 bulan.lambatnya nk TUJUH bulan.ye,kenapa saya pilih pelaut?kenapa?*bang my head on the wall 100x*

when things are not falling into place.

2011-04-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

salam.

its been a long time i came here to write.time decided to go against me nowadays.i barely breathe,whatmore to write.so lets start before i lose grip again on the mighty time.

before 5.
work is truly crazy.i never imagined not having any sleep in 24hours but since i started working in a new department,i was awake for 37hours working non-stop during on-calls.so there goes the human rights to sleep all out the window.and talking about the mean things about working life,i think all of the living creatures in the hospital have no mercy towards each other at all.the nurses will bug u non-stop,from signing investigation forms to checking transfusion bloods series number from dusk till dawn.to top it up,the specialists will simply order weird blood investigations(that u have never heard of) and blood cultures from morning to odd hours eventhough they are well aware TB labs are close non-working hours and viral loads and CD4 count can only be run on tue and thurs only.dan patient pula,stop ingesting clorox,racun serangga dan ubat gegat for these things are not even food or edible,MORONS!even writing about all these things give me shortness of breath.now i feel like running away.run away from the chaos in hospital.run away from never-ending ward works.in short,just quit being a doctor.

selepas pukul 5.
i'm souless.no mood to be human anymore.i practically dragged myself home.i even dozed off while driving at times.God loves me he saved my journey back home despite the recklessness and lethargy while driving.Sometimes i wished i hit the divider and broke my femur and not having to go to work for months.haha.silly me!the worst thing about this crazy work is not having enough time for family and my loved one.stupid work.i lost count on how many times i cursed my job.but i'm grateful to God for sending my angelic mother who prays everyday so that i'm strong enough to face these trials and tribulations of so-called glamourous job of mine and a sister who iron my clothes on days i slept earlier than 9 and packed my lunch the night before as she noticed i'm not as chubby as before.God bless them.and God,please send syir all the happiness in the world for his patience and understandings towards me is far greater than i thought.

tomorrow i'm going somewhere not so near,yet not so far away,IAllah.it's somewhere i used to go with bapak.the short and sweet trips we used to had together.ah,the good old days and the memories that pierce my heart so softly yet so painfully felt.

next.

2011-03-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

salam.

starting a new posting is dreadful.i think it's worse than having exams tomorrow because i can't actually guess what sort of things i'm facing tomorrow.at the moment,i'm just preparing myself with the basic stuffs i learnt from med school.blurgh.tak bestnya this feeling.

it's ok azimah.it's ok.everything is going to be fine.

lillahitaa'la.

it's all good

2011-03-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

salam.

phew.an email and a phone call took all the troubles away.alhamdulillah semuanya baik-baik saja.
don't ask about the details of the tsunami because what we've been talking about for the precious 11 mins were "baju kaler apa?pakej tu ada apa?pelamin cantek tak? and bla..bla..bla.."

seriously as if tsunami has never happened.

syukur.
alhamdulillah.

of getting married.

2011-03-11T08:35:00.000-08:00

while waiting for my ms zoe to get a bath(setelah lama dia tak mandi),sempatlah saya nak menulis sepatah 2 kata here.so ladies and gentlemen,i'm officially on leave again.yes read me:cuti lagi selama 7 hari.now dah tgal 4.apa yang i buat for the last 3 days i pun tak tahu but this end of posting leave seriously berjalan laju macam bullet train tu.ahaks.exaggerate sket.

so this long hols is specially dedicated for wedding preps.for these 4 days i'm going to travel north-south for that purpose.things haven't even started yet,i mean the travelling but mentally i'm tired already.but when i dah start buat sket2 tetiba rasa lebih bersemangat dan idea pun mencurah2 datang.and when i updated to syir what i've been doing he's more than happy to hear it and nak senyum pun ada bila dengar apa requests dia untuk wedding nti.now it's crytal clear tunang saya nampaknya lebih bersemangat untuk wedding kami. :)))

but now i'm damn worried!did u hear about the 8.9 in richter scale earthquake? and the place was the one he used to go during prev trips.eventhough now he's not using that route anymore,i'm still worried sick since he's still in that country and according to schedule,he's arriving in 2days time which means he's somewhere near the perairan jepun.ya Allah,kepadaMU kami berlindung dan meminta pertolongan.

p/s:kita doa sama-sama ya untuk keselamatan mereka yang jauh nun di lautan mencari rezeki and for those affected by the calamity,my heart goes out to you.

the island

2011-02-17T05:27:00.000-08:00

salam.

masa,
tolonglah bergerak dengan perlahan
aku mahu mengkagumi ciptaan tuhan
yang tak pernah menjemukan ini

i don't understand why i always chose somewhere near the sea or surrounded by it as my holiday destination.i guess this is how i remember someone so dearly,so close to my heart when he's not around.....

p/s:harini saya naik bus zoo.hikhik.

blessed.

2011-02-13T10:25:00.000-08:00

salam.

where were i on the valentine's eve?searching prezzies,having supper and strolling along gurney drive with two of my secondary school besties.instead of celebrating valentine's with our significant other,we decided to just went out and updating bout each other's lives.we talked about how we first met....how we became close and even discussing about our big days which happen to be in the same year.although we short of one,the night was still happening as usual.sometimes i felt so blessed i have them around during good and hard times.bak kata my friend,kita makan pasembur nie together dari belum masuk university sampai sorang ke jepun,ireland,sabah and god knows where lagi sampailah sekarang semua org dah jadi tunang org soon to be husband and wives.the bond we have was so strong even after 6 years abroad i could still talk to them whenever i want to.just ring them,poof!they are in front of me offering their ears to listen and their shoulders just in case i cry in the middle of stories.kawan-kawan yang baik tak akn berkira untuk call u up eventhough u forget to do it first.kawan-kawan yang baik tak akn berkecil hati if u forget their buffdays but will suggest a belated party to meet up.kawan-kawan yang baik will treat your mum the same as theirs.and kawan-kawan yang baik will tell u the truth even it hurts.

God,im very grateful u sent them to me and please bless them for their kindness and sincerity are beyond what i deserved.

my charlie tercrop pulak.huhu.sorry charlie.

cekelat celup.

2011-02-12T22:48:00.000-08:00

salam.

anda suke cekelat mcam saya?

anda mahu kahwen dlm masa terdekat?

any buffday party around the corner?

jom ramai-ramai tempah cekelat dr cekelat house nie:

http://cekelathouse.blogspot.com/

tetiba saya rasa mahu menempah cekelat dr sini juga sedap benau nengoknya.hehe.

jom tempah ramai2!

p/s:kata korang kenal cik jeem and mntak extra diskaun.hehe

pre-hols excitement!

2011-02-11T23:35:00.000-08:00

salam.

before 5
the last oncall was an eventful one.it was AnE call.5 beds in total and they were full not even before 12midnite.out of 5,2 were for toilet and suturing and K-wiring(i have no idea how to do this but eventually partient's finger dapat diselamatkan with the k-wiring :) .so with the help of my bestie,i managed to settled those at 12.and out we went to have a drink.at 1am i received a call from paeds ward and another child with fractured tibia/fibula(tulang betis)came in.after full clerking..i sent the child for backslab.everything finished at 2.30.my eyes could barely be opened anymore and when i went up to my ward to have some sleep i saw one body berbungkus already on the way into coffin.aiyark.what a timing.so dgn berat hati i walked in on-call room and i saw my bestie and thought she was in deep slumber already until she said something and was awaken by my entrance.we talked about the patient who was just died and how at 23 he would have the whole future in front of him if he's alive.both of us were disturbed by his death.i thought i have no empathy left in me but i should be glad at least i still retain some even after feeling like zombie with nonstop works for the whole day.

after 5
esok i dah start my much-deserved holidayyyyy.yippeyyy!~so many plans in my mind right now:
!)kemas my wardrobe.it's a mess!
@)survey butik pengantins.hehe.
#)lepak starbucks smbil baca mags.
%)bercutiiiiii!!!!

harini i tgh tgu call dr nippon.rindu betul la.

dil to pagal hai.

sequencing

2011-02-09T07:56:00.000-08:00

salam.

before 5(few days ago)
first time i experienced a patient collapsed and eventually died during my call.no doubt it wasn't a pleasant experience afterall but that's life.in medical world,things are unpredictable.a patient could be healthy one day and passed away the next day.ajal,maut dan jodoh di tgn tuhan.

after 5
planning for holiday is never easy but i love doing it simply because i get to travel.if i were not a doctor,i most probably be a tour guide right now jetsetting myself from one country to another telling a bunch of tourists why they should visit this place with me.owh boy what a joyous feeling just imagining it.hoho.but huhu...tomorrow morning i akn terpacak dlm ward reviewing patients.reality hurts.haha.but i i have a good news.....i'm taking holiday to rejuvenate my body and mind going somewhere not-so-far away.

besides planning for holiday,i'm also looking for photographer for my big day.any ideas any photographer that would make my wedding a fairy tale?:p let me know jgn malu-malu okay darlings!

tada.

2011-01-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

salam.

tadi ada org guna mr marc and sekejap je saya bg pnjam dia accidentally engraved the top cover by writing letters A-Z with sharp blade.u know bila org tgh bergayut,kita selalu akn conteng2 kertas atau main2 dgn rambut.dia pergi tulis huruf2 atas kertas atas top cover mr marc dgn blade!apalagi,saya jd naga lah.berapi-rapi saya marah.saya sedih sgt-sgt tau.tapi saya lega.ini hnya mimpi.tu la.mak kata jgn tido lepas asar.hehe.

sori-sori...iklan sekejap tdi.well.....saya berjaya menukar layout blog ini kepada yang baru.the background picture was taken by my sister semasa she came to ireland last year.it's a picture of grasses with the blurred version of cliffs of moher,the famous tourist spot in ireland as a background.if any of you go to ireland one day,don't leave before u visit this place. seriously it's breathtakingly beautiful :) hopefuly saya lebih bersemangat untuk menulis with the new layout.it may not be as beautiful or as sophisticated as the other modern blogs in this whole entire blogosphere,but this picture means a lot to me...

and since dah berkerjaya nie,my life basically can be divided into two;before 5pm where i would spend most of my time in everyone's fave place,hospital and after 5 usually at home lah.sekarang ni rumahku mmg syurga ku.so my post from now onwards will be about my life at work and after work.hehe.ok tak?

baiklah,since i cuti harini...di bawah adalah cerita semalam dan harini.

before 5.(yesterday)
my first ever patient with retroviral disease(HIV +ve).came in with infection of the left knee joint.am i scared?yes.but this is what doctors do.try our best to alleviate pain from patients and help them live their lives in the best quality possible.so this HIV +ve man included in the list so no matter what disease he carries,i am responsible for the knee joint infection and makesure he'll be treated accordingly.

after 5.
today i cooked again.mee ketam for lunch and fish and (mashed potato) for dinner. it's something i enjoy doing but having difficulty in finding time to do so due to work and sleep deprivation nowadays.so yeay for today i'm holding the pans and pots again.hehe.the rest of the day i chillex(chill out and rilex) sahaja.hehe

esok i oncall.esok juga mr handsome saya anchor.sedihnye.i dislike working after 5 :((

couch potato

2011-01-15T07:10:00.000-08:00

salam.

i planned to go to cinema and have a good time watching movie but none of the current movies attract me so i thought why not just stay at home and watch movies that i missed when they were showing on the big screen.so i bought 4 new dvds and i just managed to watch one and another 3 still pending.

after watching Killers,i have to admit ashton kutcher is damn gorgeous!haha.i love the movie.and i realize that man who's leading a not-so-normal life ,for an instance a pilot,spy or erm...marine engineer (who's contantly on the go) will love their partner extraordinarily.no?haha.and i tremendously love that too!wawa.

oklah.marapu saja.i'm on call again tomorrow.chow!

nu.

2011-01-11T05:22:00.000-08:00

salam.

today is my happy day.postcall and was home at 5.45pm.usually at that time i was still busy running around the wards clearing up all the ward works left by specialist and MOs.but tadaaa...here i am bermanja-manja with mr marc.hehe.

my other half i bet is one happiest creature on the other side of the world. planning our big day is far from easy but i never knew he would be this excited.hehe.and i do think his excitement is infectious because i started to feel adrenaline rushing in me whenever we talked about this.seronok.seronok.

ya Tuhan,permudahkan lah.permudahkan lah.

lovable year

2011-01-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

salam.

wah,it's already the beginning of a new year.so let's do a quick recap on what were the highlights of 2010.

january-i got myself a fiance yang penyayang lagi cute.haha.
april-struggling for final med exam.yikes.
mei-final med exams over.*big sigh*
-travelling around europe with mak,kakak and abg.different experience altogether.
june-i graduated and was conferred.awww best gila! :D
august-syir signed off and cuti smp lebam sama-sama for 4months.puasa sama,raya pun sama :)
november-induction and started my housemanship.horror!
december-earned my first decent paycheck.hurm....alhamdulillah :)

i don't have any resolution for this year cos i did my resolutions on daily basis.
today's:to eat lesser and walk and smile more often.

what's yours?

btw,happy new year everyone.i pray for more lovable years to come for each and everyone of us :D

rewards

2010-12-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

salam.

the joy of working is u get to see your previously bedbound patients are back on their feet again beaming from ear to ear making their first steps all over again .isn't it a wonder?

and the joy of being loved is you know he/she will return into your arms again no matter how long or how far the person may go..i think this is simply as sweet as a candy(yes,u may puke.haha)

he's going offshore again.we both are okay with it.we had more than enough time together.it won't get any nicer by going against the nature of his work right?hehe.it's time and with full-heartedly support,i wish him well and smooth-sailing journeys ahead.

dear fiance,

please find me asap once you sign-off.i'll make sure i have a beautiful wedding gown to wear by the time u're back :)

deeper.

2010-12-02T04:30:00.000-08:00

salam.

it's winter time and i miss wearing boots.

it's only 12 noon in dublin.

: (

introductory entry.

2010-11-30T05:41:00.000-08:00

salam.

owh dear,i knew this would happen.i was too busy tagging people asses i have no time to even read whatmore write my own blog.well,i'm still breathing fyi.not in repiratory distress to be exact(i was a few days back but let us forget the past,will ya?)hehe.

so how's my new life treating me?erm...it was sucks big time for the past 14 days.i got scolded by my superiors depending on how many times i presented case in clinic.even when i'm writing patients' charts or while walking during rounds my ears tend to get this nasty way of im-being nice-but-at-the-same-time-i-hate-the-way-u-work kinda of advice.i don't mind being scolded for my mistakes but what pissed me off the most is when there are people who acted like they are damn good in everything just because they mastered the hands-on work after they've been doing the same things for the past erm..a year and a half kot and yet their brain seemed so empty it echoes when u drop a needle in it.come on....if you train a 10 year old kid to do blood takings and branulla settings everyday,i bet that kid can do it with one eye close after a year++ of training.so nothing xtraordinary with that.please la.u are nothing but stupid by being arrogant just because u started earlier than me and managed to finish ward works so effortlessly but when people asked you how to get ABSI(ankle-brachial systolic index) and what the normal level u have to ask people next to you for the answer.u are just plain stupid!if u tak tahu jawab tak mengapa but when u buat2 tahu and pandang org sebelah mata that what makes ur level even lower than my juniors in uni.

ok.enough bitching.i hate being one of the bad guys in movie u know..haha.

i 'm currently still adjusting to my new life to be honest and owh boy,it's so hard in the beginning..but a friend of mine once told me that each day that passes will make things better.i expect no miracle but i really hope what she said is right.

dear God,i depend on you solely to guide me thru and please make me stronger to face whatever challenges that awaits for me in future for my path is still bleak and only on you i put my confidence that one day everything will turn out right and so i will be just fine in my chosen path.

nawaitu lilla hitaa'la.

something to be grateful for

2010-11-13T02:22:00.000-08:00

salam.

alhamdulillah,induction was over yesterday.it's a relief actually because we had to strain our ears for nearly 10 hours per day untuk dengar ceramah during the induction!i think 6x per day meals is not gud enough to bribe us for that 10 hours torture we had endured,seriously.haha.besides listening to loads of ceramah,i also managed to make some new friends there.all the best with your postings guys!may God ease every path we take :)

waaahhh..tak sgka this monday dah kerja.and sedar tak sedar the year nearly draws its curtain down.can u believe it's already nov?rasa mcm mgu lepas bru attend my graduation day :P.tuptuptup nti dh masuk januari dan skrg bila masa free yg byk dulu mcm akn vanish soon baru nk rasa gelabah wedding prep tak buat lagi.hmmm.....*rasa nak masuk fantasy zone and dissappear sekejap*

oklah.actually i rasa bad mood harini.rasa panas semacam.nk kate hot flush,i masih muda lah kan.haha.so i guess that's it for today.take care and see you soon.iA.

always a silver lining.

2010-11-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

salam.

i igt i nk tulis ni on monday but since i tak tahu keadaan i mcm mana comes monday nti..i decided to just write it now.i got a call for induction this monday and finally i boleh pergi tanpa apa-apa halangan lagi.it's gonna be on monday till friday.i hope the activities are gong to be exciting(well not to expect much since induction means loads of ceramah!).i dunno how many times i said this to syir but i'm really not in the mood of packing.let it be last minute this time.i wont die of not having enough clothes to wear or toiletteries to use,would i?:P

once induction starts,i immediately have to think about working already because i only have weekend to prepare before i register with the head of department in any given hospital.so this monday is induction,next monday is working time!honestly i'm scared yet thrilled to become a real doctor.the word 'real' there means bigger responsibilities.tapi i akn selalu igt dalam kerja mst kena ikhlas dan iAllah Allah akn mempermudahkan semua.

dulu masa bru-bru grad,i cakap dlm hati i nak bercuti smp syir sign-off and sign-on kembali.but i didn't mean it.ye lah,klau nk tgu syir naik balik mmg berbulan2 lah i jobless.tp nampaknya Allah kabulkan permintaan kecil i tu(so next time becareful of what u're wishing for).nak kata mnyesal tak la,cuma sian family kena tanggung i yg tak bekerja ni.hehe.so skrg both of us pun nk start kerja balik.bila nk bid him goodbye tdi i cam sgt sedih.ntah2 yg tadi tu last kitorang jmpa.klau dia kena panggil sign-on time i induksi mmg that's it!6bulan lagi la kot baru akn jumpa dia lagi.rasa nk menangis je dlm kereta tp tu la..bila terlalu sedih nk menangis pun tak boleh.

so dear self,
Allah akn permudahkan segala dan menyayangi org-org yg sabar :)

p/s:smlm first time i nampak muka kecewa dia and my heart broke.rasa nk cakap je ngan dia jgn sedih dan kecewa sbb i akn ada dgn dia smp mati,iAllah.

a tale of a nightmare.

2010-10-27T05:43:00.000-07:00

salam.

yesterday i had a dream..in the dream,there's a lady around my age.she stood on a swing,swinging.she's tall,slim,short-haired(almost like a boy-cut) and dark-skinned(hitam manis dalam bahasa melayu).she's not so beautiful but sweet.the kind that u wanna look again if u were happened to have a glance at her(or accidentally terpandang).everything about her is opposite me(except the not so beautiful part la sbb word beautiful dengan i..errr...tak seswai)in that dream,she's my fiance's girlfriend.ewww..marah tak?

sbb mimpi tu,i was down the whole day yesterday.i hope it's just purely a nightmare!fullstop.

a day worth spent.

2010-10-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

salam.

yesterday ada org tu bwk i jln2.main-main air sket and tgok2 binatang.best dpt pgg anak harimau yg comel dan i rasa nk bawak balik rumah and bela jdi my pet.tp tu la..kecik2 boleh la main-main.klau dah besar silap2 i pun dia mkn.huhu.rilex betul.rasa tenang and best.mungkin ini la hikmah tak selalu berjumpa.darah manis tak elok juge selau jumpa2 kan.hehe?

surat induksi i dh smp semalam.tp malangnya i kena defer atas sebab2 tertentu.but i really hope by nov i dah boleh start kerja.dan ofis pun dah start memanggil encik kesayangan saya kembali ke laut.cepat rasanya dah hampir 3 bulan dia cuti.kalau ikutkan hati tak puas lagi nk cuti sama-sama maklumla ni first time i dpt spend full-length holiday ngan dia.selalu samada i balik the last month of his holiday atau tak dpt sama-sama trus.tapi a small part of me dah tak kisah sgt nk start kerja or dia belayar sbb what will wait for us after dia belayar mmg lumayan(not money-wise but relationship wise la) dan i kena start kerja cepat untuk nk laksanakan menda tu. :)

and org tu cakap lg dia tak sabar nk tgok i kerja.i know darl,,i pun mcm tak sabar nk kerja.w'pun i takut fikir kemungkinan yg akn dtg,i akn cuba kuat dan kerja seikhlas hati macam u..

oklah readers....nti bila ada cerita menarik nk bgtahu i akn write again.till then take care alright :)

unemployed.

2010-10-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

salam.

now i started to feel bored just staying at home.i need to work.i want my mind to start working again.to leave it dormant for too long is no good right.i hope the long holiday i'm having now is enough so that i won't feel any regrets when i start working soon.i need to socialise again.get some fresh air,be in a new environment and meet some new faces.on top of that this long holiday starts to annoy everyone around me.like how i slept till mid-day that bugged my mum so much,and how i harrassed my fiance with so many texts day and night like celcom tu company i yang punya.haha.so there goes.at least work will deviate my attention from sleeping,going to malls or asking my sister to bring her baby sister jln2 and thinking about syir obsessively.haha.luckily my desire to shop has ceased.thank God.finally ,my prayer has been answered!

i think i'm ready to embrace another phase of life.no matter how much i love my student life,i have to move on.forward.

p/s:i think i'm going to miss syir terribly when i start working and esp when he start sailing but i will always remember that abscence makes heart grow fonder.dont u agree?

bravo.

2010-10-01T02:03:00.000-07:00

salam.

mak had been down with flu and cough and was under the weather for quite sometimes roughly since she came back from perfoming umrah.at first she cought a cold then came the vigorous episodes of productive then dry cough.i kesian gile tgok her old fragile body straining to cough out the phlegm.then after that she's been vomiting right after she ate something.macam emesis gravidarum pun ada(org mengandung tu :D) hehe.i noticed now she's a bit slimmer due to the many infections she has caught.but good news,that now she's recovering.not completely but i could see the appetite is coming back and she's already gone out doing her daily chores back(u know buying groceries,watering the plants etc...).and seeing mak smiles again is the best thing ever to me.

bravo mak for your strong spirit to get well.stay healthy and beautiful alright?muaaahhss!

of getting married.

2010-09-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

salam.

eventhough the predicted date is somewhere next year,fiance has already pastering me to go look out for wedding neccessities.and thinking bout this again,it's somehow refreshing as my initial thought would be he had zero interest in planning the big day just yet.but hey,thank GOD i was wrong.having an understanding and responsible partner is crucial to makesure we have a forward progression in preparing for our big day.after two wedding boutiques,i feel like throwing up already.seriously the idea of getting married and what to do in order to get married is STILL stagnant since aeon ago.mcm tak berkembang.owh wake-up call.sila lah datang.or am i just not ready yet?hurm..esok i seriously kena buat a rough plan of my wedding to-do list.perhaps,it'll excite me to start preparing for REAL!

well,off-topic,i flipped over some pages in fashion megazine and i just fell in love with this...

one of tods fall/winter 2010/2011 collections

dulu kat ireland boleh la tgok2 klau any cheaper brands plagiat style nie and if affordable i beli je.skrg dlm mimpi je la.huhu.

okies.i need to go sleep.nite2 everyone.

drunk.

2010-09-23T06:55:00.000-07:00

salam.

after 4 days together,he left home leaving me wondering what to do tomorrow.usually every morning i woke up early and we had breakfast together.being able to wish him good morning face to face had been the sweetest thing!seeing him,walking towards him and and seeing he smiles to me.....things are so beautiful even having a row feels good.haha mum classified this as love sick that goes away once a couple got married but i hope we make it lasts forever,this love sick. :D

now i have tonnes of work to do after being sick for a while :p

haha.gile.gile.

raya

2010-09-12T11:01:00.000-07:00

salam.

a short update about this year's eid.mine alhamdulillah semua lancar je.cuma kurang happenng sket.perhaps because mak is far away in the holy land.as soon as mak comes back,baru nak masak2 meriah sket.it's another 3days of waiting and i'm already sick missing her.syir once told me this is how she felt when i was far away in ireland and if this is true,i think i made the right choice by coming back here for good.huhu.however,rindu,rindu jugak.makan mmg the best. i had to frequently reminded myself that my body cannot tolerate foods that well that i would put on weight sooo very easily.maybe that's the only way of holding me back from swallowing whatever that i came across for the past 3 days.hehe.bukan nk berdiet sgt pun..cuma nk jd lebih health concious sedikit.wawawa!and beraya bersama kakak-kakak,abg dan anak2 sedara best juga.the kids la make it more fun.i love teasing my 5 year old niece whenever she's counting her duit raya that would grabbed her bag and hid it somewhere until she cried,like really cried.poor the kid. :D

as beraya bersama incik tunang for the first time is simply fabulous!i lost count on how many times both of us exchanged raya wishes thru texts and calls smp even raya ke-3 still ada.betapa jakunnya kami.haha.dia 5 tahun away and i enam.still my number beat his but number is just a number.apa yang penting?~~kerjasama~~experience :D

dan sepanjang raya nie i gigih dok habeskan this korean drama yang sgtlah masyuk.haish...hero nih mmg buat saya tak boleh tido...patutla mak saya tak pernah miss tengok boys over flower dulu smp saya naik hairan.

the title in english is personal preference or personal taste.and for the first time i dpt exposure about a furniture designer.korean mmg creative.their drma series or movies always have different themes and not as cliche as ehem....malay dramas.i'm sorry but since coffee prince mmg i dh kagum sbb drama melayu mana ada nk kupas pasal pembuat kopi dan pereka perobot in details kan?hehe.itu just a few examples that came mind.so if anyone bored mcm saya,sila lah layannnnnzzzz!

eh lupa pulak,selamat hari raya aidilfitri everyone.maaf zahir dan batin. :D

tagging game.

2010-09-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

salam.

i was tagged again.this time by cik imma,a member of a group i've known thru syir(happening gile group nie tak tipu)

since i have a minute a two before i go to bed,so here goes:

1) Adakah anda rasa HOT?
depending on what do you mean by hot?sexy ke...CUN ke?....or panas suke marah ke.if all of the above,i'm neither.suam-suam kuku saja saya nie.hikhik.

2)Upload wallpaper PC/Laptop yang anda guna sekarang...?
i couldn't upload it.but let me tell ya is a simple picture of me and my late father

3) Cerita Pasal Gambar Ini...?
it was during kenduri kesyukuran before i flew to ireland back in 2004.it's an old picture but a very meaningful one.

4) Kali Terakhir Makan Pizza...?
owh how random this Q compare to the previous one :).well...i couldn't remember.erm..let me think....yes,the last time i had some was when im in venice italy with my family.it was made there and then and it's a hugeeeeee one.besar tudung saji.tak tipu.sedap gile.dah lama rupanya tak mkn pizza.

5)Lagu Terakhir Anda Dengar...?
lagu raya dalam jusco tdi.tajuk lupa.hehe.

6)Apa Yang Anda Buat Selain Menyelesaikan Tag Ini...?
goyang kaki.hehe.(and tgh fikir jawapan kepada soalan nie)

7) Selain Nama Sendiri, Anda Dipanggil Nama Apa...?
maksu(by my nieces and nephews dan dotdotdot by syir)muahahah.

8) Tag Lagi 5 Orang Siapa Yer Nak Tag Nie...?
since i met some new bloggers,i would like to get to know them better.hehe.so here the newly-added friends in my list(and those i belum kenakan mana-mana tag before):
1.zura the dentist-to-be
2..k.maslina mommy rizqullah
3.purpearlLyna
4.dr ainarasyid
5.kerry(sbb dia just celeb her 2*buffday!happy belated buffday dear!sorry my fb ada prob i couldn't wish you there.so as the prezzie dia tag nie,boleh kan?)hihi

9) Siapa Orang No.1 Pada Anda...???

she's a dental student whose blog i read once in a while(kire silent reader lah nie.hope u dont mind ;p) and she's also a mariner's gf.

10. Katakan Sesuatu Pada Orang No.5
my best friend masa matrix.i paling suka dia panggil nama i 'jeeemaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh'.hihi.a very cute friend of mine.

11. No.3 Ada Hubungan Dengan Sape...???

hoh?!i think dengan bf dia kot.siapa lagi kan.:D

12. Bagaimana Pulak Dengan No.2...???
i just read her blog just now.a mariner's wife as well who has a very cheeky son!comel betul.itu je i tahu.hye kak maslina*wave!*hihi

13. Kata² Cinta Dengan Orang No.4...???
let her partner do this.hehe.he knows best.

14. Berikan Perkara Yang Anda Tau Tentang Orang Yang Tag Anda....
she's called gedik-geli-girlz(but trust me....dia baik gila despite the fancy name.hehe.)
sgt peramah ya amattttt!
syir once had mistaken her for me.haha.
a very good friend yang sgt kebal kalau kena usik ngan the other members of the group.
akan back-up i dlm fb klau kena attack.hehe.thanks imma!
phew...can't believe i just did 14 Qs of a tag.byk rupenye and i spend nearly an hour or so or maybe more.wow!time flies bila buat tag rupenye.hehe.oklah.esok i ada 2 major housechores nak dibuat.huhuhuhu.malas gile.ni yg rasa nk kuar dating je ni.blerh.

masih ada.

2010-08-31T22:39:00.000-07:00

salam.

guess what sleep deprivation has done to me?the predictables,cranky and moody.luckily i'm alone at home and it's ramadhan.dan syir pulak tido.mcm dia tahu-tahu saja.bukan apa,time moody-moody nie memarahi boyfriend/tunang mmg satisfiying menurut kata one of my junior which i coudn't agree more.haha.don't try this at home.

anyway,yesterday i was cleaning my mum's room.changed and washed the bedsheets and pillow cases.the washing part washing machine la yg buat kan.swept the floor and arranged the folded clothes back into the wardrobe.masa nk tukar cadar tu,i terjumpa my late father punya fave kain pelikat.tetiba i wonder what was it doing on the bed around the pillows?owh,mungkin juga somebody needs that to pray...say my brother-in-law or my uncle(s) during any visits and perhaps my mum lupa nk ambil basuh or simpan?tetiba i terfikir,maybe itu pengubat rindu my mum kat my dad?the one she holds when she missed him so badly.klau betul my second guessing tu,i rasa sedih dan terharu.i'm sad because no matter how much i miss syir at times,i tahu akan akn jumpa lagi one day ngan dia.but for mak?huhu.dan terharu sbb i dpt witness cinta sebenar yang org kata cinta smp mati.and she always tells me she dreamt of my dad almost every single day!it's been 2 years and 6 months already.

nti raya pertama i nk ajak kakak pergi jumpa bapak first thing after solat raya.i rindu.

remaining.

2010-08-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

salam.

it has been 3 days since mak left us for umrah.the house is a bit gloomy and uncheerful.if not i would be hearing her sewing machine running and making the noisy sound that started usually after she finished her Al-Quran classes every morning.when i came back from sending her off last friday,my eyes caught the very unusual sight.all the sewing machines(the true sewing machines(the new and old ones,both still work!),mesin jahit tepi(i dunno how to translate this)) are nicely folded and covered.terus rasa mcm nak menangis.eventhough she's away during the first 5 days of my first hari raya after 6 years abroad,i don't really mind(i do at first,i was mad at her in fact!).as a daughter,what makes her happy,makes me happy too.seeing her very excited to go to a place she had longed for ,for years enough to tell me that there's nothing i should be mad at.semoga kepergian mak ke mekah kali nie dpt mengubat kerinduan mak sejak mak balik untuk pertama kali dulu.be safe mother and my prayers always be with you.

of another note,i started my applications for job already.it's better to do it now than after raya.takut rushing nanti.semoga Allah permudahkan.rasa in denial pulak nk kerja.seronok betul menganggur sebenarnya-minus the miskin part la.haha.

my one and only picture wearing whitecoat during medical school.comot.sbb tu tanak amek gmbr time blajar byk2.nie pun last day of school before final exams.seb baik syir first kenal i thru middle person.klau tak,takmau kot dia kat i.haha.sebenarnya,i dah rindu belajar.sobsob.

eat pray love

2010-08-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

salam.

The Balinese don't wait and see"how things go." That will be terrifying .They organize how things go,in order to keep things from falling apart.

eat pray love

elizabeth gilbert

i've tried to find a more meaningful quote from this book but i just couldn't remember in what page or the dog ear seemed to unfold itself.owh well,this one is not that bad kan.i can't wait to watch the same title movie based on this book although it took me ages to finish this book sbb byk sgt benda baru nk kena digest.with julia roberts as the main cast(liz),i'm sure the movie wont be dissappointing.and by reading the book,bali looks so tempting that it makes me wanna extend my jobless period so that i can experience its beauty,peace and serenity.

offnote,rasa sgt beryukur sgt tuhan bagi kelapangan hati dan keseronokan Ramadhan untuk saya kali nie.ntah kenapa semayang terawikh tak rasa berat seperti tahun2 sebelumnya.berbuka pun ala kadar masak snedri je tapi itu dah lebih dr cukup.tak pernah lagi ke bazar ramdhan.mungkin towards the end nti kot.yang penting dengan siapa kita berbuka kan and for me,family and loved ones are the greatest company.Alhamdulillah.dan semua org yg saya sayang dekat saje kali.keluarga,tunang dan besties.one of them baru je balik dr UK.seronok nk jumpa.dan malam nie ada berbuka dgn angel dan charlie saya.w'pun xcukup seorang angel,plan kena jalan.it's ok,raya nti harap2 dah boleh complete.ok lah,selamat resume ramadhan nie ye kawan-kawan.

kisah semangkuk laksa.

2010-08-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

salam.

dear syir,

i'm home,safe and sound..and as usual,fully-loaded.sorri tak msg/call awal.semua org decided tinggal hp kat rumah mlm nie.sian saya kacau awak tido td.

masa saya nak cari seat dlm bus td kan,saya langgar smua org yang dah duduk dengan bag2 saya yang agk byk dan besar tu.naseb baik awak tolong pack kan.kalu tak,lagi byk.ye la,mcm-mcm mak awak bg kan sblum sya balik.laksa,nasi,even bbur lambuk pun ada.nk makesure saya tak lapar atas bus lepas buka puasa.seronok tau dpt mak yang rajin masak mcm mak awak.tu belum masuk 4 biji limau bali yg boleh tahan saiz dia.mak saya gelak je saya bli byk tu.dia kata mak suruh beli sebiji je(tp sya tak dengar pun dia kata sebiji tu)mereka pasrah je.hehe.pastu kan compartment atas tempat letak beg tu takleh buka la pulak.nama je bus baru..tp xsma mcm bus dulu-dulu.end-up kat bawah tempat letak kaki penuh dgn bag.tp saya duduk la jugak.nk buat mcm mana kan.masa tu nk makan bekal tu mcm payah la pulak.dgn beg kiri-kanan,atas-bawah.saya dah gelisah asyik tringat laksa mak awak tu.ni awak punya pasal,dok promote2 dlm kereta td.lepas saya meksure bus masuk highway and tiada lagi pit stop nk ambil more penumpang,saya jalan ke driver tanya"bang,seat kosong kat belakang tu takde org duduk ke?boleh saya duduk tak?"(kebetulan saya survey2 ada la 3 baris kosong kat belakang).abg tu jawab"takde.duduk la mana kamu nk duduk".owh ini mmg peluang keemasan.saya pun apa lagi,jlnkan proses pemindahan bag..dan dptlah saya 2 seats for myself.lepas tu kan awak,saya trus bukak mangkuk laksa tu.bukak2 je,saya nampak telur rebus separuh utk mkn dgn laksa.perghhh...mmmg nikmat.saya rasa tak smp 10 mins kot,laksa tu pun dah selamat masuk perut.see...siapa kata saya segan.saya tak kira dah satu bus bau ke...saya tetap nk makan.mmg betul kata awak,laksa tu sedap gile.mcm mkn kat kedai.ini bukan nk amek hati,tp betul2.baik awak belajar mcm mana nk buat nie dr mak awak..sbb saya rasa 85%chance saya akn kempunan laksa nie bila saya mengandung nt(in future la,bukan skrg)hehe.buatnye saya nk mkn tgh2 mlm,takkan nk kol mak awak kots.kan? :D

owh selain makanan dan limau bali,beg saya juga mengandungi sepasang baju kurung biru.eccceyyyy mcm tajuk lagu raya pulak kan?terima kasih byk2 belikan untuk saya.honestly,walau pun saya ada baju kurung lain yang sepasang 200-300ringgit,baju kurung biru nie tentunya akan jadi baju kurung yang paling saya sayang.sebabnya awak yang bagi.baju kurung pertama dari awak.saya tak kisah pasal harga,cantik ke tak(kalau tak cantik mst kita tak beli kan)...apa yang penting,awak sanggup redah lebih dari sepuluh kedai dgn saya(tolong jgn serik okkk).u were there when i tried them on.U WERE THERE!tolong bagi pendapat,tolong kutuk jugak la kan.but i wouldn't mind(for now la,klau dah kawen nti,awak kutuk lagi saya gemok,siap!)itu yg paling saya hargai. :) trust me,i love it! the bju kurung and YOU.

and lastly,terima kasih berbuka puasa air apple dan jagung rebus je dgn saya dan tunggu saya tdi sehingga bus jalan eventhough saya di dalam,awak di luar.kalau saya tahu driver tu lambat dia buka puasa dulu,saya dh trun bawak laksa-laksa sekali kita makan dolu.mula-mula saya mmg nak awak tgu smp bus jalan.igtkan sekejap.tp after more than 15 mins,saya kesian sbb saya tau awak lapar.kita berbuka tak proper bus pun smp.awak tak mkn apapun lagi.kalau awak balik pun saya redhoo.hehe.tp smp bus jalan saya nampak muka awak tercongok tgu saya.sayu betul nak balik.sobsobsob.

sya syg awk byk-byk.

yang benar,
si comel awak(kikiki)

the-laws.

2010-08-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

salam.

http://www.cartoonstock.com/

i can't hardly wait yet thrilled to meet mr fiance tomorrow.i'm going to his place tomorrow,yes to future inlaws' place just in case u're wondering.i really don't like the feelings i have now let alone to think deeply on what's gonna happen tomorrow or their perceptions on me.it's not that i don't like them.they are fine,in fact they treated me well before like i'm one of their own but to be honest i always think i'm below par compared to those who had spent their teenage years under their moms' nose so that they have near-to-perfect attidude of soft-spoken,delicate,lemah-gamalai,sopan-santun (who could stand duduk bersimpuh for hours without having the urge to change sitting positions every minutes like i did) type of ladies.i spent most of my time best to learn these protocols in the west.that's what i'm afraid of.the thoughts of me breaking any plates or glasses while helping the mum serving dinner,water splashing while cleaning the dishes and worst running out of words to talk to the dad have been echoing in my mind from the minute i said yes to syir and they could be my only nightmares in my sleep tonight.am i too paronoid.?and frankly speaking,im not the kind who's chatty with just anybody.i picked people.not that i'm that arrogant,it's just im shy-shy cat.haha.if u gain enough trust out of me,believe me,we can talk till dawn.why not just stay quiet in penang?too many times he had asked me to go over to his place but i kept saying no.now that he's signed off and available to be there with me,i think i'm running out of excuses anymore.the next question is...what to wear?i don't know.i dont' know.i don't want to be hypocrite by wearing a baju kurung which i just wear during eid or when attending weddings.it makes me wanna stumble when i'm standing up.waaaa....i really wished i could talk as friendly as possible to his parents like some people who do it effortlessly and flawlessly.yes flawlessly.i think the problems with this issue are there were to many rules&regulations,DOs&DONTs and unneccessary protocols that complicate things regarding joining another family but not quite yet, if u get what i mean..too bad jeem,u came from the root which has this phrase from eons ago long before you even existed that says'biar mati anak.jgn mati adat".my reply will be 'baik mak.". :)

hurm....but i have to get over this....to face the fears and most importantly just be myself.i wouldn't want my future daughter in-law(if i have any son to begin with.haha)to pretend to be what she's not..right?and afterall,syir akan ada dengan i all the time pun(i'll makesure he is).tolong doa i tak chicken out last minute.haha.no.no.no.*while wriggling my index finger left-right-left*

berbunga-bunga.

2010-08-16T02:08:00.000-07:00

hyde park.london.spring 2010.

salam.

i was nearly going to name this post as childbirth.what a name!haha.

well,these few days have been euphoric.with mr fiance just a few hundreds km away(landed.trust me,it does make a difference compared to when he's sailing) and fasting month environs that is sooo different from previous years,i think i never felt much better to i am now.now dh boleh remove ticker berapa bulan dia onboard tu.sakit mate je tgok.haha.

rasa seronok sgt fiance dh dekat dgn i.our relationship i would say is like a pregnancy-childbirth cyle.ask a pregnant woman what does it feel to become pregnant.mst dia ckp mcm-mcm ada.sakit,pening,loya,nk muntah,hyperemesis(muntah terlalu kerap),letih,malas..u name it.semua ada.put the terible things aside,apart from those,mst rasa super happy+nervous when she found out there's a baby growing in the womb.pasti rasa superrrr excited when the baby starts kicking.then rasa terharu bila pergi scan dgr heartbeat and nampak how the lil one looks like in it's crib(at that time is the womb,still(hehe)then comes the dramatic part....childbirth.for 9months,all the pain and hardship were bearable but when the final battle starts,God knows how excruciating the pain is.the screaming,gassing or if intolerable sesangat...epidural.tapikan bila baby kuar,dpt tgok muka dia....hilang suma sakit.hilang semua letih bertarung nyawa seketika.even ingatan how the pain was pun poooff!just dissappeared!(the experience told by beloved mother and sisters) ngeeee!

samalah macam tgu mr fiance saya.6 bulan dahulu,when he got the call to sign on...i mcm kucing nk beranak.nervous,SAD...mixed feelings.at the same time i'm thankful that he still got a job to do and this means no delaying of his paychecks.ye lah,with all the living neccessities yang kena bayar,siapa tak risau kan.so off he went.haaa....masa tu i was struggling with my final year....the tension and stress yang sky high made things worse between us.bila dia anchor or masuk port,i pulak ada ward rounds,clinics,lecture,etc....bila i cuti,dia di tgh lautan la pulak.bila i smgt nk call,dia letih baru abes duty.bila dia plak nk chit chat,i pulak merajuk.haha.but he's always the cool one.try to be patient all the time.i macam api.thank god dpt partner camni.tp bila sesekali dpt call,chatting,skyping..mmg hati melompat2 tak cukup tanah.seronok sgt.pernah sekali i rasa nk nangis terharu sbb i dpt tgok muka dia thru skype sbb selalu we ol sembang je.tak pernah webcam.ada je masalah. :)) see these little things do matter for us yg peluang utk communicate sgt susah.dan during his last month onboard was the hardest.i barely lived my life counting the days lamanya lgi dia nk balik.susah nk convince myself i ada 4 to 3 to 2 weeks more before his time is up.the worst thing is when they delayed him from signing off.it's equivalent to a full-term mother with full dilatation still having full+frequent contractions(bukan brixton hicks dah ni) and yet the baby still refuse to come out.haaaa.mcm tu lah.tapi kan...bila dh tgok muka dia balik....rambut dia yg berubah sedikit...senyum dia...bau dia...suara dia...automatically i felt connected! i lupa semua.i lupa berapa kali i nangis sepanjang 6 bulan nie.i lupa berapa kali i promised myself tanak cakap dgn dia lagi.i juga lupa yang dah 6 bulan i tak jumpa dia.it's all worth it.well worth it!

waahhhh panjang gile i bebel kali nie.saje je.dah lama blog nie cam bosaaaan je content dia.hehe.and owh,how's ramadhan treating u guys?i rasa seronok sgt kali nie.i boleh berpuasa dan bertarawikh tanpa perlu mengira berapa hari lagi i kena balik dublin.definately the best feeling ever!dan setiap hari boleh text syir nak ucap selamat berbuka!hehe.alhamdulillah! :)))

happy faces

2010-08-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

salam.

he's home :)

welcoming both.

2010-08-09T11:24:00.000-07:00

salam.

i have a feeling that this ramadhan will be better.
i hope so.

and i pray that with the beginning of the holy month,all of us will be blessed with good health and pure intentions of doing nothing but good deeds and gain lots of pahala.

:)

maafkan salah silap,terkasar kata mahupun bahasa.
kita insan biasa yang hnya menjadi hamba yang ESA.

selamat menyambut ramadhan al-mubarak.

previously on beautifully arranged....

2010-08-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

salam.

last entry i was whining about some uncertainties that bugged me like mad.do you remember?haaa.....at last that thing was confirmed!phewwwwww!nasib baik betul-betul.if not i seriously rasa nak bakar bangunan dayabumi tuh. syir dah serik dah bg nombor agent dia kat i after those episodes of i-called-dia-i-emailed-u-i-called-dia-balik-bla-bla-bla.....sampai berapa kali daaa.tapikan,nasib baik tahap kesabaran i sedikit tinggi.at least i mantained my tone at normal level.optimum la.if not mahu ada la org yg makan dalam kot kena sound.tapikan i dah janji dgn myself,i nk jd lebih penyabar...doa semoga tuhan bantu i.

so i guess i can start counting days,like really do it.hari nie ahad....esok isnin,pastu selasa.owh 2 days more :D

to be honest,excitement yg ada dah declined sedikit as a result of the bad news dulu.i hope in two days time i dpt refresh keterujaan yg baru!

hip.hip.hOOrey!

hide&seek

2010-08-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

salam.

it's quarter past one in the morning and im still here.today's already wednesday.another 6 days.
i've tried to book a flight ticket a few times tonight but i guess i'm too traumatised by the recent terrible experience that it affects my judgement wether to just click the 'purchase' button or wait till tomorrow.i deteste the thought of making another call to the agent to confirm the status of mr fiance that suppose to preceed any booking of flight should i make one.i dh cakap kat syir hati i sakit lagi i tak sanggup nk kol lagi.but nak tak nak esok kena jugak kol or else duit atau points enrich possible je melebur begitu sahaja.i couldn't bear any more losses apart from the time that we shoud have had spent together by now..argh,abaikan.

org sebok-sebok tgok baju raya...me and my mum dok sebok cari idea baju nikah.sempat lagi pk nk cari baju bertandang skali.gile.haha.owh before that sempat juga tinjau-tinjau perfume utk buat hntaran.mahal betul lah satu set perfume tu.huwaaa...down.senang2 pakai one drop perfumes je lah buat hntaran.haha.btw,i'm nowhere near the BIG day.it's just i got carried away once in a while.kasik chance la eh?

: p

p/s:when i passed by my hanging stathescope on the bookshelve just now,tetiba rindu nak amek letak dlm whitecoat(owh sekarang dah boleh hang dekat leher dah :) ).petanda lepas raya je i kena start kerja.dan i envy my friend yg dah dpt baby or carrying one at the mo.ini bukan petanda ye,ini mengada-ngada!hehe :p

yet,again.

2010-07-29T10:04:00.000-07:00

salam.

everyone at home has caught a fair share of different kind of illness at the moment.and yet i'm leaving to k.l again tomorrow which i don't think is a good idea at all.anyhow,the matters that'll take me there are reasonably wrong to ignore.so i booked the tics.and aloha k.l!i'll be leaving tomorrow and come back on sunday(hopefully)!i really miss home!(although i'm home).and talking about going to k.l during this mega-sale period,i've already started dreaming of doing a bit of retail theraphy while i'm there.the problem is,i just did a massive shopping of few good pieces of tops and accessories in penang which burnt a huge hole in my sis's pocket(which i(or WE) dare not telling my mum about)!haha(evil laugh).so i better be good.furthermore puasa is just around the corner and i guess some saving up would definately benefit me comes raya!

offnote,an email form the sea really cheer me up and elevates my mood now that a euphoric i am.

dont dare to read this.

2010-07-27T01:10:00.000-07:00

salam.

i could never feel as irritated as i am right now.everything that i planned has gone down the drain.the fact that some people didn't do their work as best as they promised makes me angrier!hey miss/mrs.....can you just imagine if your significant other was in the shoes?i bet u'll cry your lungs out if you were me!i hope you do!

urgh.as much as i hoped i was calmer,the irritation was unberable!it was like when u woke up from a sleep and having a bad dream and yet the bad dream is one hell of a reality that i have to force myself facing it!

take a deep breath in,and out......*sigh*

yes,they decided to keep mr fiance for another 12 f**king days!itu klau dia tak lupa nk cari reliever lah kan?!

goodbye cuti-cuti malaysia.i guess i sambut syir dengan berpuasa bersama-sama sahaje.what a nobel way of celebrating homecoming :()

i really wanted to curse the day u were born but if i do,we are two same heartless people.so i decided to let you off the hook.but forgiveness is nowhere near forgetting,just so u know.

p/s:mind the language.the words just slipped thru when i'm typing away.

impossible.

2010-07-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

salam.

i started missing things that beyond reach.

i miss dublin.i miss my student life.i misss friends that i used to hang out with,go road-tripping with,sama-sama nervous nk masuk bilik OSCE before exam.it's all(the memories) coming back to me now.i think that my status now as a penganggur just making things worse.i like being at home.slept till mid-day,killing time by reading things beside medicine and going places for the purpose of holiday semata-mata.who would resist all those things?tp it just isn't me.ntah..rasa hidup kosong.juga menyusahkan keluarga for not being able to contribute much.saya mungkin harus bersabar sedikit lagi.now is already syaaban,then comes ramadhan.lepas raya im all yours....kementerian kesihatan malaysia(owh pedihnya fact nie.huhu)

on a brighter note,the offshore period for mr fiance is nearly up.if the agent manage to find his reliever i might get to see him again next mon/tues.from the bottom of my heart,i really hope this will happen.kalau awak kata awak penat,saya penat juga.menunggu.sila pulang cepat.i just wanna be me in front of you for the first time.i really miss you.

dizzy

2010-07-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

salam.

seronok aja tgok bila bloghop geng-geng sekapal yg lain dah berjumpa org tersayang.

buka satu blog,owh papa si chomel dah balik. :D

jalan-jalan lagi,owh incik suami sudah pulang. :)

intai-intai yang lain,yey incik tunang dia datang melawat. :P

jenguk-jenguk lagi satu,owh boyfriend-boyfriend mereka dh sign off. =)

yang paling best,ada antara mereka yang dapat turun awal.best gile!

tetiba jdi kesian pada diri sendiri..

: ' (

p/s:i think i deserve a cry.

hope.

2010-07-02T02:34:00.000-07:00

salam.

i baru call agent syir kat office mnta dia dpt balik ontime which is in the end of july.bukan seminggu,2mgu atau sebulan after the expected release date sebab nti dh bulan puasa.i hope she really means what she has said."kita akan buat kerja kita dengan sebaiknya".i have a good feeling that she will walk the talk as my syir has quite an impressive history on being released ontime(a few days or a week tu kira cincai la...since tak pernah rasanya he being held captive onboard for more than a month overdued).

owh masa cepatla...cepatla...i dah rindu nak pi fishing dengan dia.pastu lumba-lumba siapa dpt ikan byk dan gelakkan masing-masing siapa dpt buntal(pufferfish!this devil is not only poisonous,but it bites the hook and plummet/sinker smp putus!) and now tgh musim durian...i nk ajak dia makan durian kat balik pulau near the place we went fishing the last time.

:))

p/s:sekejap je hati dah berbunga-bunga.baru td igt nak buat entry pasal hati kosong.hati kosong?apakah?

too full to be true.

2010-07-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

salam,

kawan smp syurga....
bersabar,bertahan dan please kuat.
things will get better.trust me.

:)

take care.

a lot like love.

2010-06-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

salam.

the final month always the hardest.i knew it.for the last 5 months i was fine on my own.
but when my concious mind finished doing the maths,automatically heart says it couldn't wait any longer.and this is when suffering begins.

why there is a thing called love in the first place?

la tahzan.

2010-06-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

salam.

semenjak-dua menjak nie,rasanya tiada masalah lain dlm hidup ni kecuali masalah kewangan.adat hidup menganggur,beginilah.akibat tidak pandai mnguruskan kewangan di masa lampau pun iya juga.cuma saya tidak terkilan berhabis membawa ibunda dan kakak dan abg berjalan-jalan sewaku menghadiri graduation tempoh hari.itu adalah sebagai membalas jasa mereka.doa-doa yang tidak putus sepanjang 6 tahun pengajian...itu belum lagi muka gembira dan sedih(yg selalu cuba disembunyikan) menunggu di airport setiap tahun menyambut dan menghantar saya kembali ke ireland.walau berjuta saya belanjakan nilainya tidak sama.letak itu ketepi.

mungkin kerana selalu berwang(w'pun scholarship dan matawang lain-lain),bila tidak ada,susah hati betul.dan saya tidak layak mengadu kepada keluarga kerana dari dulu keperluan asas memang tak pernah kurang.cuma apa yang hati minta ini mengada-ngada.Tuhan..kalau ini lah denda atau kafarah atas rezeki orang lain yg aku terbelanja atau diguna tanpa sedar,risau di hati mmg milik aku.kena redha dari ditanggung kemudian hari.kadang-kadang terfikir,duit tu harta dunia semata-mata.tak boleh masuk kubur pun.apalah yang nk dirisaukan sangat kan?tapi fitrah manusia,bukan sekadar kewangan,tapi tenaga,masa dan kadang-kadang kasih sayang memang tidak pernah cukup...jauh sekali nak bersyukur.

Tuhan dah jelaskan,ingatlah 5 perkara sebelum 5 perkara:
1)muda sebelum tua
2)sehat sebelum sakit

3)kaya sebelum miskin

4)lapang sebelum sempit

5)hidup sebelum mati.

tu dia,Tuhan awai2 dah bagi warning,tapi tetap tak beringat.dah-dah..jgn dok bersedih dah,dari dipikir duit yang mmg tak akn cukup smp bila2,lebih baik berazam jgn ulangi kesilapan yg sama dan pikir mcm mana nk tambah pahala kurangkan dosa.ecece....bunyi alimnyerrrr hai.(monolog dalaman mcm nilah yg selalu melengahkan kita nk buat menda baik kan?)

cliff of moher,ireland.summer2010

dalam byk2 tempat lagi grand yg depa pi,ireland jugak pujaan hati.

okies kawan2....jumpa lagi.

nota hari jumaat.

2010-06-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

salam,

"barang yang lepas jangan dikenang............"

ingat tak intro lagu p.ramlee nie?
tadi masa tgh melipat kain yang klau sidai tak cukup ampaian tu...smbil mata ke layar tv.al-kulliyyah.mulanya nk tukar channel lain seperti selalu,tetapi bila tgk tajuk. taubat.
hati macam berbisik2 pulak....."at least dengar la sikit apa ustaz tu nk cakap..".

dalam banyak benda yang diperbincangkan tadi,ada satu isinya yang menarik hati.

kata professor jemputan tadi,ada 2 benda yang perlu dikenang selalu dan kalau boleh sampai ke akhir hayat.

1)dosa-dosa lama.ini supaya kita terusan2 insaf dan timbul rasa rendah diri kepada Allah s.w.t dan selalu meminta ampun dan bertaubat tanpa jemu.

2)mati.ini sendiri mau igt la kenapa kan?hehe

selamat hujung minggu dan selamat beramal.

p/s:skrg musim durian dan buah-buahan tempatan kat penang nie.ada org kata buah durian balik pulau yang terbaik seantero dunia.ada berani rasa ?:P

worn out.

2010-06-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

salam,

harini hari leth saya.

tak larat nk berpuisi,apatah lagi nk bermadah helah(tp tulis blog ok yerk?)

cuma nak cakap,"lambatnya nk tunggu bulan august!"

huhu.sobsob.huwaa!

p/s:first time ada harapan nk ambil syir kat airport nti :D hopefully dia tak turun dalam bulan puasa lah.

i hate me.

2010-06-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

salam.

to hurt or be hurt?

no.

to hurt AND be hurt.this is more likely.

dahlia

2010-06-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

salam,

malam yang hujannya renyai-renyai,bersama-sama secawan besar milo panas adalah gabungan terbaik senaskah novel milik kakak.

*senyum*

"Dahlia,sesungguhnya Allah telah menyembunyikan enam perkara...."

1)Allah telah menyembunyikan reda-Nya dalam taat

2)Allah telah menyembunyikan murka-Nya dalam maksiat

3)Allah telah menyembunyikan namaNya yang maha agung dalam al-Quran

4)Allah telah menyembunyikan lailatul Qadar dalam bulan Ramadhan

5)Allah telah menyembunyikan solat yang paling utama dalam solat(yang 5 waktu)

6)Allah telah menyembunyikan (tarikh terjadinya) hari kiamat dalam semua hari.

~panggil aku Dahlia

harini dah 1 rejab.bermulalah bulan mngejar pahala.sebetulnya mungkin hati belum cukup ikhlas untuk berpuasa sehari penuh ia lebur sebelum masuknya asar. :(

revert.

2010-06-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

salam.

i'm home.

12 hours flight with family members onboard was somehow sweet experience that makes time went by quicker.sedar-sedar dan smp klia.truly like the feeling of seeing familiar faces around. :)

plus,i just had a catching-up session with my buddies who i missed their presence so dearly when i was in dublin.we talked about so many things from work,politic to relationship matters.there were happy and not-so-happy stories and from them i realized as we grow old,the problems are more difficult and harder to deal with.tetapi tuhan maha bijaksana,the older the wiser we are :)

however,there's something i miss about dublin,the summer weather.i know i'm complaining now but who wouldn't when u could feel sweats dripping from all over your body most of time especially after 6 years living with natural air-conditioner and sweat-free?(eleh jeem,macam u lahir kat kutub utara kan?hehehe).come on,cut me some slack and give me time.iAllah,i'll adapt back.

owh lupa,being able to talk to syir for hours via mobile phone add another extra point to the positive side of being home.the fiance of mine just anchored at bintulu upon my arrival indirectly making my homecoming extra special. ;)

but i know,life is not a bed of roses.while i'm happily eating mom's cookings,happily chatting away with childhood friends,happily wasting call-credits with my loved one,there are friends back in dublin or wherever they are who's struggling with their modular exams,final med exams and the likes.itu belom lagi org kat palestine nu yang ditembak hidup2,children separated from their parents and worst, limited foods and medications for survival.in fact,in my own life,i dont know what God has in store for me in future,but i do pray he gives me strength and bless me,my family dan seluruh umat manusia with nur ,hidayah and peace of mind.

owh apa yg i merepek malam-malam ni.oklah kamu-kamu,i'm officially penanam anggur.so iAllah jeem ada plenty time to write later.take care and drink plenty of water to replace the insensible loss from the sweating ye(khas untuk ex-dubliners just in case u read this :P)
p/s:to my dear blogger friend who's recuperating from a great loss recently,my heart goes out to you.Allah knows best.remember that tau :)

it's not goodbye.

2010-06-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

salam.

dear dublin,

for so long i've been waiting for this moment to come,to go home and never come back to meet you again.i guess my wish has been granted come tomorrow.but why i feel very sad?my heart is aching departing from you.you start to feel like home to me.the place where i've learnt so many things,cried so many times and laugh out loud!the place which thought me a true meaning of friendship and most importantly the place which made me realize i have more in me than i previously thought.eventhough i have opportunity to prolong my stay,to let myself falling deeper with your beautiful summer,i have to admit i have far more reasons to go home where i truly belong.i have undeniably a wonderful family who will wait for me at the front door when i'm exhausted from work,i have friends who never fail to show up and drag me for teh tarik and support my back when things go haywire and not to be forgotten,i have a fiance that i want to build a life together and spend the rest of my life with Godwilling and he's waiting for me to come home.

semoga kita berjumpa lagi dublin.

thank you for making me,me.thank you for giving me such memorable moments that i would definately cherish forever and thank you for making my biggest dream came true.

yours truly,

Dr AMH

predictable yet meaningful song.

highlights of may.

2010-05-22T07:58:00.000-07:00

salam.

1)i just got an invitation to my conferring ceremony and reception a few days ago.yeay!it's on the 3rd june at 11 am.hoh,finally i get to wear the robe which consists of a gown and hood.and my request for an extra pass into the hall had been granted!so no one will be left outside.double yeay!

2)i am busy packing my things into boxes right now.after 6 years,one can imagine how many clothes,books,begs,shoes and whatnots that i've been accumulating in my room.i wish mak and kakak were here now instead of on the 2nd june to help me out here.my main problem is these boxes are to be collected by tomorrow!*pengsan!*

3)can't believe i'm actually leaving this room,house for good soon.definately going to miss the sounds of neighbor chit-chatting with her elderly friends(that indicates she's still alive:btw,she'a an old lady),playing piano(creepy sometimes especially at night),and having party till 10am the next day(not nice,i tell ya)

i'm excited to start things anew in my beloved country but at the same time i have this mixed feelings what if things don't turn out the way i expected?

hmmmmm..............

stuck.

2010-05-21T13:58:00.000-07:00

salam.

today is the day when i typed so many entries and published them but at the end the day,they are either being deleted or saved as a draft.so many things happened in between that eventually resulted in me having headache and lost interest to write at all.luckily i have some courtesy left to explain this.

i think i might retire early tonight.

p/s:how to bring back the lost excitement in a relationship just in case anyone knows?

not another minute

2010-05-13T02:04:00.000-07:00

salam.
im about to declare procrastination as my biggest enemy in a sec.i hafta.with boxes, unfolded leaning on the wall,laundry spinning in the washing machine,luggage contained of mixed clothes from previous and upcoming trips and a few more bookings to be done...i think im in a great mess!

okay,i'm gonna start functioning as a ~~maid~~human now.where's the hangers again?

offnote:i hope we wont receive any cancelling email from the airlines company for tomorrow's trip.i did received one at 1430 for my 1455 flight the other day and i only managed to check the email after i safely landed at the cancelled destination.what a joke of the day!oslo and berlin,here we come :D pray for our safety dear readers.

muaxx!

rendezvous-nice

2010-05-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

salam.

forget the breathtaking views for a while.seeing an old friend and reminiscing about our golden days back in secondary school is aesthetic! lying side by side with your old friend on the left and best friend on the right while catching up on each other's latest news and going-ons in life is truly happiness that makes me want to lay like that forever.i wished!

dublin welcomed me back with grey sky and cold shivery breeze.even after 6 years i still couldn't befriend its weather.

never-ending

2010-05-06T11:55:00.000-07:00

salam.
the avoca trip really worn me out.i spent most of the time today sleeping.syir has just anchored but i decided to let him do whatever he wanted to do,in other words i just lack of energy even to have a chat with him and some discussions between us has tire me more.but whatever it is,i love him anyway.

the official result has just been released.im glad i got the title finally.the journey was excruciating yet worthwhile.besides graduation,there are a couple of things that i look forward to.

5-11 mei:nice and monaco
14-20 mei:oslo and berlin
24 mei:arrival of mak,kakak and abg.will meet them in heathrow
24-27 mei:london
27 mei-2 june:venice,florence and rome
5-8 june:paris
9 june:malaysia.

for the wonderful life,Alhamdulillah.segala pujian hanya untukNYA.

.cravings.

2010-05-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

salam.

i had a good time with the magnificents watching iron man 2 this morning.it's not like other action-packed movies which are stressful all the way from the beginning till the end.this movie gives us a bit of laughs here and there and robert downey jr really nailed the iron man character.he's like a middle age man who's hot!(if u know what i mean ;P).if u have watched the first one,then u must watch the second.more robots for sure.apparently marvel's collections never disappoint me.

and ladies......
put on your louboutins or blahniks and let's enjoy the next SITC sequel..... it's gonna be on cinema on the 28th may.i dunno whether the premier is gonna be on the same date worldwide.i hope so.at least before i go back to malaysia for good.takut malaysia tak lepas censorship board.hehe.

eh jap....28 may i dekat italy.
hurmmm.....girls,malam graduation jom!!!!!!!!!!

oklah.actually i HAVE to start packing.i'll jump in the car again tomorrow for another road trip in Ireland.this is probably the last one as each and everyone of us gonna be scattered around europe within a couple days time.this makes me sad already.the last 6 years have been wonderful with them around.after this we'll be sent to new places to start anew and meet new people.how i wish things stay the same but then,this is life.
maybe something better awaits us in the future kan?we still have the memories that will remain forever.IAllah...

p/s:mr big reminds me of syir.i think they have similarities in some ways.haha.on the other hand i think i have chemistry with carrie..........'s walk-in walkdrobe!what do you think?erm...now i miss him already.esok mungkin dia smp bintulu and he told me kapal will anchor for a week in may.well...now IS may!

ADAMaya

2010-05-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

salam.

harini marathon series di atas dr episod 2-15.haritu dh tertengok episod satu.tp exam punya pasal terpaksa postpon samp today.at last semua kerja terbengkalai.tapi puas hati.cerita nie best.

ADAM
watak lelaki utama.di potray as seoarng lelaki yg perfect.ada segala:rupa,harta and a golden heart although a bit control freak at first.tapi in reality,rasanya tiada kot lelaki seperfect ni.

MAYA
watak perempuan utama.di paksa kahwin pada usia yg muda,bukan dengan kekasih hati,tetapi dengan pilihan keluarga.best apa bercinta lepas kahwin dengan husband sendri?maya nie dilemma antara suami dan 1st love dia.small issues in her marriage actually drift her back to her first love.subtle issues such as husband doesn't include her in decison making,working to hard...etc.dan sebenarnya benda2 kecil macam ni lah yg hancurkan perhubungan byk org.

DANI
watak antagonis.first love maya.very determine to get maya back.dia buat saya geram!

well,i'm not married yet.but this story nak kata berat tu tak lah sgt tp agak 'practical'. byk subtle and hidden messages yg saya dpt.kdg-kdg lelaki sempurna bukan segalanya.mungkin pada pandangan mata org luar.he may have everything that most women want but lack of one little thing that essential to the partner.dan kadang-kadang juga lelaki insensitive.tak berat nk bertanya apa yg partner/wife tu nak sebenarnya dlm r'ship tu.is she really happy?bgi perempuan pula,kdg-kdg,yg depan mata tak dipandang.yg jauh dikenang-kenang.let's say if maya tak buat perangai,they could live happily ever after tapi adakah maya akn hidup dlm ketidak puasan hati sbb diketepikan dr pelbagai perkara yang dianggap kecil oleh adam.dan mungkin juga adam won't pursue his interest like photography.untuk nk memahami issue nie dengan lebih jelas,sila tgok 500 days of summer.then u'll understand what i mean.tak semua bad endings will lead to disastrous life.but still,if we have an awesome partner,why on earth looking for troubles by cheating with someone else.hey ,that's not nice! ;P

weee.....susah rupanya hidup berumah tangga ni.ahaks.

.Alhamdulillah.

2010-05-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

salam.

provisional result for final exam of medicine was out yesterday.
thank you Allah,the most gracious and most merciful.couldn't be more happier.
:)

when i was told i passed,the first person that i called is mak.she sounded happy.actually this is for her.for always be my pillar of strength,who never tired of giving me her unconditional love,prayers and supports throughout my 6 years abroad being a medical student.she told me the whole family was praying hard for my success.God bless them for that.i couldn't thank them enough.

and to mr fiance,look how far we've come.thank you for always being there and may God bless you for your patience.

now,dah jdi penganggur tetap.huhu

congrats UCD class 2010.we finally made it doctors! :D

.ticking.

2010-04-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

salam.

it's not even eleven yet,but my body being signaled by the great mastermind--->the brain is dragging 'ms jeem' to bed already.i hate this.i should be reading something instead of blogging.but if i don't blog,i sleep. which one is worse?God help!

on a different note,sunday is just a perfect day!talk to mak for hours and got buzzed by syir from philippine on his way to bintulu.sehari-dua lagi sampai la tu ke bintulu.yey-yey!

:D

.three.

2010-04-16T12:42:00.000-07:00

salam.

i forgot the first month.

i missed the second.

but hey, i remember the third! :D

tgok ticker kat sebelah,dah 3 bulan cincin kat jari.selalu lupa dah jadi tunangan org.selalu je lagi tersasul cakap"boyfriend i bla..bla..bla..." hehe.

.semangat.

2010-04-16T11:59:00.000-07:00

salam.

hello.
my name is azimah.
i'm a final year medical student.
thank you for helping us in the exam.
as you know,this is part of my exam and this exam is the most important exam in my life as it's going to determine my future career.
i hope u will help me as best as u can and give your full cooperation in the exam.

i can start memorising these lines from now on.
a friend of mine once said,"the last push always the hardest!".i couldn't agree more.

10 days to go.

wish me luck people!

.worthwhile.

2010-04-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

salam.

a simple NO would make a HUGE difference.period.

that's the end of the first para,not the entire entry unfortunately.so bear with me or shall i say enjoy the rest?=D

weekend's wonderful!grande java chip frappucino with extra shots for this weekend.kidding!i got a better bargain.saw and talk to mr fiance for quite a good few hours over the skype.he's in a chirpy mood(thank you mr cole and mr drogba) and i on the other hand was too mesmerized to talk as awful lot as before once i saw his face.gosh, how i wished that moment lasts forever.it's only 2 months and he looks slightly thinner if the webcam didn't lie..i left him with only 2 hours of sleep last night and this morning he skipped bfast break and use the remnants of the coverage to spend time with me while the tanker slowly departed.it was a bit challenging for him to keep up with time and worrying about the bars of coverage that flactuate so often over time while talking.everything has to be done fast.it's funny when he quickly stood up and pull the curtain aside in hoping for more coverage in his room when the bar went down so rapidly.and how fast he called me back when we were disconnected impressed me further.i did have palpitations everytime i couldn't hear his voice again and the screen went blank.thank god it only lasted a few seconds.

and tonight i have the same kind of feelings as when we first started as a couple.the prominent one is the feeling when my heart jumped after seing him again.the rush,the time constraint.and the feeling of appreciation of one's small gestures and acts are definately what i remember most too.masa tgok dia bgun buka curtain sedikit for better coverage,wrinkles in his forehead when the line buat hal,muka dia sedih bila i cakap i rindu dia, semua buat hati i tersentuh.

malam ini terharu sampai nak nangis.

offnote:i love seeing you in the t-shirt and p/s:i love you

.restrictions.

2010-03-31T17:16:00.000-07:00

salam.

just now while studying with aiza,for a split second i thought i was having dejavu.'hey,i was in this situation before,facing her and telling her risk factors of a disease and complications of another'.when thinking back,i've been doing this for years.everytime exam is approaching i would find myself talking to her like this.this is not a dejavu.this is a routine.yearly routine.and because i only do it yearly or half-yearly,it seems so far back in time that i perceived it as a dejavu.3weeks ++still counting.

currently the temp outside is 1 degree celcius.can u believe it?it's already 1st of april and yet the season still refuses to move on.it was even snowing yesterday!i need a warmer.my warmer!who not only warms my winter,but colors my spring,chills my summer and brighten my autumn... :D

owh dearie ~~syir~~spring,where art thou?

.lectures.

2010-03-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

salam.

it feels unfamiliar somehow to attend 'formal' lectures back.lecture days were long gone(it was 2 and a half year ago during my pre-clinical years).bukan nya tiada lansung kuliah dlm clinical years nie cuma byk lae buat practical dr pergi kuliah.but from tomorrow onwards,i'm going to lectures again.time to put on jeans and snickers again as well.me love!tp 4 lectures in a day?pengsan!tetiba berkobar pulak.haha.hopefully tak hangat2 tahi ayam la kan.so this will be my final 4 weeks of lectures as a medical student insyaAllah(kalau i takyah repeat.ya Allah....mntalah i pass my final,ameen).how time flies yeah?i'm nearly done.heheh.UCDians 2010,skeeet jeeee laeeeee :))))

owh ya,smlm tunang i dh boleh msg2 thru fb dr nagasaki,nippon.bila tgok nama dia dok komen2 kat fb i mmg terubat lah rindu sket!hehe.so kepada buah hati org kapal sekalian,selain msg2 thru celcom,maxis,digi etc yg akn charge rm2 setiap sms dr luar negara,diorang bleh activate facebook mobile and msg to your facebook inbox with just rm1 per week!(i agk xpercaya but i dh clarify dgn dia.nti i confirm balik) tp still,rate itu jauh lebih murah.so boleh la save duit sket nk bina masjid kan?keskes.what u need is a facebook account yow!(which i'm sure most of u guys ada)hehe.ada org dh pesan suruh i rajin update facebook ni.i will dear=)

3hb april nie dh 2 bulan la dia sign off.another 4 months to go.yeah,i boleh,i boleh!
tetiba rasa nk plan percutian extravaganza bila dia balik.incik syir,kemana kita?hehe.

bukit bendera.a week after i landed from dublin.well-planned!i suka(padahal kat penang je pun.ahaks!)

rightO!i nk titun.nite2!

thanks.

2010-03-27T04:27:00.000-07:00

salam.

for the first time sumone gave me an award.
thanx a million nanie.u'r such a sweet mother-to-be :D
mesti tak sabar nak jumpa sechomel kan?

so,what do i do now?

Thank the person that gave you the award:

i just did

Pass this award onto 15 blogger you're recently discovered and think are fantastic:

i wanna give it to:

cik azie zainal
cik ain(tak lama lagi dh puan nie)
cik kerry
puan ena mazly
cik myra
cik farah galway
puan izan
puan yatt
cik a'a(hopefully she blogs again after this)
puan nurul mommy alya

yeah,that's about it.sikit sungguh list blog kat sebelah tu yer.nt msa blog hopping i nk ketuk2 rumah org.selalu jd silent reader je.actually segan dan agk malu tak bertempat.huhu

state 7things about you:

well,this is the hard part.to avoid bias,i put it this way:

my sister said i'm clumsy.100% agreed!
my mum said i'm full of confidence when talking.erm..55%agreed.not all the time for sure.
syir kata i chummel.haha.nie i tipu.he said i malas mandi.my argument is sini sejuk ya amatt.so demam klau mandi lebih dr sekali or 2x.
i love cooking.bila i stress study i masak.bila masak i mkn.bila makan i put on weight.sbb tu tak kurus2.
my bestfriend kai said i'm so girlish that he banned me from buying another pair of converse.syir totally agreed on this!i dunno why they both hate converse.huuu
the whole bunch of my best friends kata i love pink.undeniable.more specific pink pokedots.
kawan smp syurga kata i mcm iman dlm cerita sepi tu.i suka bercakap.i will keep on talking to my bf even if he wasn't listening,i will snap at people like she did in the train but the most important thing that i realized myself is i am a bit like her in lovey-dovey matter.loyal.but be warned,i might be flirty at times.keskeskes.

my one and only pair.dulu buruk,skrg dh cuci nmpak baru.heheh.pic snapped by jay baharin and taken from my previous blog~myILHAM~

hoh,there goes.a lenghty one.igtkan nk tulis pendek2 je.anyway,thanx again nanie.

on another side of the world,syir dh smp nagasaki.heeee....he dropped me a text at 3.45a.m and i was still sleeping.takpe,i bg chance dia jln2 dgn tenang.klau tak mst i kaco dia all the way.hehe.

have a good weekend folks=)

short but swit.

2010-03-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

salam.
i'm hype.
~today is my last day with the surgical team,ENT(telinga,hidung dan tekak).i was with them for a week.besides the very kind intern,i have this super handsome kacak dan baik senior specialist juga.hish buat dosa je duduk dlm team nie sbb asek nak tgoook je dia cakap masa buat ward round =P kacak sungguh!(sori na mr fiance).lepas ni no more early mornings.hurrey!

~bilik intern on-call macam hotel.like seriously.build in wardrobe,katil dan ensuite with toilet and shower.i heard kat malaysia,pengudaraan pun tiada.tiada tingkap and double decker bed.takpe,houseman klau sakit baru bleh cuti.bagus2.onkol sehari,cuti 2-3 hari.owh haven.

~one of my team's patients is dying.she just had massive bleeding from the base of her tongue,due to oral/tongue cancer.i saw her husband walked in and sat down beside her and gave a few pats on her head.emotional btul tgok.huhu.she could be gone forever any time.

~and today is daffodil's day.
Daffodil Day on Friday 26th March is the Irish Cancer Society’s major fundraising day supporting cancer patient care and information services across the country. It’s a day for all of us to come together and pin a daffodil to the nation, giving hope and support to people affected by cancer in Ireland.

~i hope syir smp jepun esok.

.silly.

2010-03-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

salam.

it's silly when we take silent treatment seriously for quite a while and by the end of the day u go nowhere but back into each other's words of comfort.silly.

offnote,it feels good when u have an eye-candy to look forward to every day.it's worth the early mornings.

nite.

p/s:just talk.talk!

when u're scared.

2010-03-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

just keep breathing.

medicine is cruel,at times.

medicine is cruel when a doctor is left facing the son telling him his father is dying and could be gone at any time.

medicine is cruel when the result of a biopsy is so devastating it hurts u for ordering it in the first place.

medicine is cruel when it sucked out the residual emphaties left in me

medicine is cruel for taking away my time and emotions needed to love and to be loved.

i think it's just cruel.

downsized.

2010-03-22T16:16:00.000-07:00

salam.

i j'dore the style and whatever waves of fashion that currently hit the racks in those shops along o'connell and grafton st.the plated skirts,the lacy tops and straw hats and begs that are being displayed at the moment never failed to slow down my pace of walking.everytime.in fact i adore the color of this season to the max!i felt happy just by strolling along the shops.chronic nye penyakit nih.huhu. ahhhh..if only i got more money ~~or being the third wife of the royal highness of brunei.~~(joking!).but life isn't solely about money and new clothes right?

cuma satu je benda i kena dpt dlm masa terdekat.with mei and june coming soon,i would be soooooooo grateful if i can get it a.s.a.p.nak click~click~click and sNap!sNap!sNap! masa jln2 nti and iAllah masa konvo.huuuuuuu............ishk bagaimana ye?(dlm hati kata maybe boleh beli time bila dh kerja nnti je.mmg takde lubang dah nk gali nk beli tu)sobs.

ok lah.stress je pk pasal ni.life bukan kebendaan semata-mata.

nite dearies =)

p/s:cik azie,may the force be with you and so do my prayers ;)

.scared.

2010-03-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

salam.

today is just too much.i was braved.i was positive.i was happy.

but today,i'm scared.i'm a pessimist.i'm un happy.

hug me and tell me,"it's ok.we'll go through it together".together.

that's all i want to hear.

.insomniac.

2010-03-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

salam.

i couldn't sleep.this sleepless state never fails to visit me every year,a few times.i guess he came knocking again.

knock,knock,knock.
the first day,i said go away please.

knock,knock,knock.
go to hell!i told him to leave again the next day.

knock,knock,knock.
i gave in.be my guest.do come in but promise me dont stay for too long.because your stay here will invite another dreadful guest,depression.

i nak syir.
balik cepat.
i nak u.

.disturbed.

2010-03-13T16:20:00.000-08:00

salam.

last night out of blue i felt like making pancakes from scratch.i googled the recipe and picked the easiest one.and to tell u the truth,i slept early so that i could get up early and well,make some pancakes for breakfast.i know it's ambitious and so,i had pancakes for brunch and early dinner instead of bfast.and i still have some batter left for tomorrow.what a pancake's day!whoorey!

one looks like joker's face and apparently all of them appear to be more like roti canai than pancakes.

this is how u enjoy them.nuttella or honey.maple syrup is an alternative too!

i'm having sorethroat with mild temperature.forget the lemsip.i wont take them yet.they taste horrible!

i hope this will reach where it supposed to be just in time when syir arrives.8 years ago i wouldn't imagine myself to love someone this much.not even close.haihh...love is not only blind,but it makes me broke too!haha.

.south shields.

2010-03-11T19:19:00.000-08:00

salam.

If you want more laugh,
why don't you say so.

heartbreak warfare
~john mayer

saya tengah cari satu gambar nie.tetiba jumpa gambar lain pulak..dh terlanjur jumpa sya pun nk buatlah cerita ttg gambar-gambar nie.mst ada antara korang yg pernah dgr tajuk di atas tu kan?ye tak lain tak bukan tempat kekanda-kekanda anda(wow,it ryhmes!) pernah belajar suatu msa dulu.xsilap i ada few batches yg dihantar ke sini.org enggine mostly.and i heard ada gak di sent ke tempat lain but that was earlier punya batch.south shields nie terletak dlm jajahan newcastle which is a part of united kingdom(UK).dekat dh dgn scotland.kira kat UK nie belah atas2 la.definately jauh dr london.area nie klau winter,pergh..kalah dublin kesejukan dia.smp demam2 i.hehe.

meh i bwk korg tour south shileds ni nak?

i pergi masa spring.cuti ester.ni masa dalam metro(ala2 LRT yg connect airport dgn south shields nie)i tak igt dh how far this place from airport tp tak lama sgt la.less than an hour kot(org kapal yg tahu plis correct me if i'm wrong)abaikan caption tu ye.i lupa bila i buat tu.haha.tgok i cakar muka dia.=P.nope,i'm just joking here.jgn pk bukan2!

ni plak dh smp south shields.ferry-ferry itu adalah utk membawa penumpang ke north shields.haa...north shields ni kan mst buah-buah hati org kapal ni suka(termasuk la i) sebab di situ byaaaakk factory outlets.hehe.korang akn tanak balik bila smp sana.nak pi the other side cost us aorund 1-2pounds each.i ckp ngan syir murah gila.tgok-tgok dekaat je pun.tak sempat nk abes satu cerita dh smp.haha.

ini pulak dh smp north shileds.tak ambil pun gambar kedai-kedai kat sana.sibuk jln-jln window shopping.i beli sket saja sbb xmuat beg.kecik.nti i cerita kenapa beg kecik.the body shop punya brg mmg murah!by the time nk balik bru tringat nk amek gambar.

time ni nak tgu ferry ke south shields balik dah.=)

time nie angin masih sepoi-sepoi bahasa org cakap.hehe.mmg kawasan nie dekat laut.sesuai la dgn kerja diorang kan.hehe.

gambar nie di south shileds'town rasanya.i tak jln byk kat sini sbb kitorang kejar masa.ambil gambar je.i igt i beli a pair of gloves je kat sini.blue furry gloves to match my outfit.

then bila dh ptg sket kitorang bergerak ke newcastle main city.malam dh time tu.so gambar kureng sket.huhu

then we amek last metro off to the airport.so saya bawa beg kecil sbb saya tak bermalam proper pun.dia busy nk exam time ni.saya tak nak la kaco lama-lama.gerak dr dublin pg-pg buta.flite kul 6 pg rasanya.masa saya smp,syir xsmp lae.train plg awai belum start rasanya.haha.and jln-jln sehari suntuk then we actually stay kat airport smp the next morning for my flite back to dublin.borak-borak kat airport smlmn.=)msa nie 2-2 org pun muda je(skrg pun muda lae.hehe)duit tak byk dan selalu pokai(dia sbb saya selalu pujuk dtg dublin.saya sbb...shopping kot.ahaks),student pulak tu=studi+exam.semua benda kena catu sbb nk jmpa each other punya pasal.mkn sharing.shopping menda-menda kecik je pun.but we were so happy=)

saya tak jejak kaki pun kat college kesayangan diorang sbb time limited and college tu lelaki semua rasanya.susah nak sludup saya masuk haha.

masa kat newcastle nie kami mkn di chicken cottage.ala-ala marrybrown malaysia la.byak cawangan dia around UK.murah dan sedap.seswai la standard pelajar.bygkan betapa sedapnya chicken cottage nie masa di manchester,w'pun tempat nie penuh dgn mknan halal,kami tetap pengunjung setia chicken cottage.hehe.manchester lain hari cerita key.nt klau korang tringin nk dtg sini,ajk suami honeymoon.harap-harap misc bg bonus end of this yr.boleh la shopping kat sini.hehe.

okies.berjela pulak.harap-harap korang enjoy la baca.ayat cm skema sbb susah nk translate tanak bg rojak sgt.see,dh jd abc dh nie.=)

pain revisited.

2010-03-10T17:05:00.000-08:00

salam.

i have a joke to tell.but b4 that do understand this first.there are 2 heart sounds in normal healthy people.the first heart sound and the second heart sound.the first heart sound is due to the closure of mitral and tricuspid valves.the second one is due to closure of aortic and pulmonary valves but well they are not this simple.but for now,itu je yg penting.

Dr T******: "Ali,can you tell me what the two heart sounds are?"
Ali:"Lub Dub?!"

extracted from 2009 ucd yearbook

luckily Dr T****** is a neurologist not a cardiologist.i wonder what will happen if he's a cardio.~~dah kena sekeh kot~~.hahahah.

neurologist:doktor pakar saraf
cardiologist:doktor pakar jantung

for quite a while i've been looking for this song.i love one republic.i love their songs.i love the front man(ini harus).hehe.

click here for a better quality video.to embed that here gives sore to my eyes.

and i love the masquerade ball.but it reminds me of venice.i never liked venice since the first visit except for the masquerade masks that were on sale everywhere there.so jgn ajak i pi venice tok honeymoon.i tak suka

tomorrow i have a plan to date with available patient(s) in the hospital.

anyone interested?

offnote;i received both sms and email from the land of the rising sun.luxury but still not enough.i'm one hell of a greedy person.blame me.love is never enough.

p/s:i just realized i dislike places that people go for honeymoon.paris?!venice?!i guess the outer space would suit me best;p

perang testimonial.

2010-03-09T18:57:00.000-08:00

salam.

actually i nak tulis perang testi kat atas tu.tp i rasa cam geli-geli.haha.abaikan.

yearbook's comittee dah screaming suruh hantar testi nak letak dlm yrbook nti.kira every student ada slot dlm 250words utk describe diri sendri.takkan nk puji/kutuk ownself pulak kan.so we r free to ask anybody to write about us.dah la sebuah 50euro=rm230++.mahal kan?tp itulah kenangan nk bg ank cucu baca nti.so nak tak nak kena la beli.pastu kena amek gambar semula.ala-ala gambr passport.dulu dh amek.tgh senow lae masa tu.semua org try nk keep the snow flakes on their head msa amek gambar sbb wah gila la kan w'pun amek gambar indoor.haha.sekali kena re-take daa.xpa,ada chance nk pkai tudung best nie.hehe.i swap testi wif few of my best friends.sng cerita.hehe.takut juga tulis testi nie sbb menda nie org akn baca smp ank cucu kan.huhu.feel free to edit ye kwn2.i tak kecik hati lah.promise=)

i rasa isomnia i dah dtg balik.susah nk tido plak lately.tak pukul 2,pukul 3 pagi.boleh main pukul brapa datuk harimau? dulu lah kiranya baru boleh lelap.

dan harini tiada email dr laut juga.hurm...apa boley buat.this is not compulsory but depends on chances.it's like a coin toss.i might get lucky,i might not.

nite.

off-white or pink?

2010-03-08T18:06:00.000-08:00

salam.

tarik nafaaaaassss.....dan hembusss...fuuuuhhhh...da tatahan nk kena stadi menda yg byk ni.mcm mkn panadol.sekali telan,kena hirup air untuk nk buang kepahitan rasa dan nk makesure ia terhadam.maslahnya studi nie bukan sebijik panadol.bygkan berbotol-botol panadol yg nk ditelan.tak boleh telan semua sekaligus.kena one by one or two at most.nti tercekik.rasa lepas grad nie i igt nk kawen n nk jadi surirumah je.sbb geram belajar teruk sgt.bgi cik abg je kerja.tp time abg belayar cheq nak buat apa?melangut sorang2 kat rumah???(syir kata dia rasa tua klau i pgil dia abg,haha.so no~no~no.nk bg ayt dramatik je tu.i rasa lepas kawen i nk pgil dia nama je.i rasa sweet that way=)rasa forever young.dh le sebaya).esok or lusa syir maybe smp jepun.i nk ngadu i tringin nk mkn pau kacang merah dan kaya.huhu.i xkira hri dh bila dia nk smp port sbb tup-tup-tup dia sms kta dia dh smp jepun/bintulu.6 hari je slalunya in btween ports.sbb tu i suka kapal ni.dh 3consecutive trips he's on the same ship.bila i tnya dia xbosan ke?dia kata as long as senang nk keep in touch dgn i dia xkesah =) hohoho.

korang jgn lemas plak bila i asek cerita pasal syir je.skrg nie studi agk stress sket.so tok divert i dr terlalu stress i kena find topics that wat i happi sket by the end of the day.so i akn update blog nie just sblum tido.lgpun i rsa i'm not being fair to him all this while.xbyk i cerita pasal dia.i tahu dia bca blog i dlu.but skrg i tak tahu.i rasa dh jrg sbb i xslalu include dia dlm ni =( that doesn't mean u r not important dear.cuma i malu-malu kucing nk disclose cerita bout us.lgpun dulu masih kawan-kawan lagi.i takut apa-apa jd.not that i don't trust you.skrg i rasa kukuh.the relationship and us =) dan bila i tgok2 balik entry lama,they remind me of good and bad things in the past.yg bad tu i tanak amek port sgt.yg good tu mmg kbyakkan i lupa dan bila baca balik i akn senyum sorg2.so my hope is when i gado-gado dgn dia in future,what i wrote now about him akn dpt menyejukkan hati i balik time tu(hopefully gado manja le ye:P)

tdi terbuka websites ttg baju kawen.unintentionally.tp i takut nk bukak lama2 sbb lambaat lae i nk kawen.bila igtkan duit dlm bank tu laeeee buatkan i rasa tak layak pun nk berangan.sobs='(

p/s:colors kat atas tu bukan bju kawen la.bju lain.hihik.

.ss.

2010-03-07T18:32:00.000-08:00

salam.

hari ini dublin bright and sunny.unfortunately,suhu masih rendah sama seperti hari-hari sebelum,cuma sedikit warm dek cahaya matahari.since bukan senang nk cerah dan klau nk tgu panas mmg berjanggut,,saya pun keluar berjln2 sbb dr hari isnin terperuk kat rumah je.otak pun lembab je.byk sale time skrg..biasalah nk masuk spring dh kan.tersangkut juga la saya tops sehelai dua.less than 15euro for 2.bley la kan.ihiks =D.tp yg plg menarik adlh satu adegan dramatic ketika sya mnunggu bas pulang.ketika sdg leka memerhati sorg budak lelaki nie bergurau dgn ayhnya smbl berdiri dlm kesejukan tetiba seorang mamat A nie trus menerpa ke arah seorang passer by B dan hampir dipukul nye passer by B nie.msa dia tolak si mamat B nie,both of them langgar si budak 4 tahun nie(agak2 la umurnya)naseb baik girlfren si A td menarik tgn boyfriendnya dn meredakn kemarahan mamat A nie.klau tak,kecoh sbb nk berlawan hampir kena saya.kecut perut sekejap.

teori saya:
1-man B cuba mengorat gf si A di hadapannya.B-O-D-O-H
2-si A dan gf nya adalah dr eastern europe.sama ada pekerja atau tourist tak dpt dipastikan.org eastern europe kat dublin nie macam indon kat malaysia la.so theory ke 2 adalah si B yang mmg irish pure nie telah mengeluarkan kata2 hinaan kepada couple nie mcm saya kena kdg2...sesetgh irish nie ketinggalan zaman sket.suka hina org asing.klu tak sbbkan foreigner,naik basikal lae kot kebanyakkan mereka nie.huhu.tak sedar diri.

spnjg dlm bus sya berfikir,klu saya si gf A,apa yg saya buat ye?hehe.nk masuk campur takot.haha.tp si gf A nie mmg berani,dia pi cool down kan bf dia yg mmg sah2 nk bg penumbuk dah kat mamat B tu.jenuh juga si gf nie tarik-tarik tgn bfnya untuk stop.and then plg murni,si gf ni actually pi apologize kepada si bapa budak nie and pujuk2 budak itu sbb terkena dia td.

tetiba tringat kejadian di newcastle dulu.msa tu syir tgh nk ambil gambar saya depan st james park stadium.masa tu bru lepas match newcastle vs MU.tetiba ada a gp of 2 or 3 locals dtg and trus mntak nk ambil gambar ngan saya.but they asked my permission dulu la.saya pun dgn senang hati kata"sure,of course u can!".dengan tak disangka-sangka,mereka terus peluk saya kiri-kanan utk bergmbr.speechless sekejap.lepas tu photographer saya pun fired lah"adake patut awak cakap'sure of course u can!'sedap le kena peluk".haha.pada masa tu saya lansung tak terpk yg tukang amek gambar tu boyfriend sendri.keskeskes.satu hal plak nk explain+pujuk incik syir.hehe.but he's very diplomatic.hehe.sekejap je selesai.

sebelum kejadian.hehe.pic by ah wong.

.peaked&plateau.

2010-03-06T19:26:00.000-08:00

salam.

hari ini adalah hari dunia kelihatan sgt indah.belom.belom lagi nk cerita pasal email dr laut.dengar nie dulu.malam ni saya berjaya menyiapkan first draft untuk ke 4-4 essay berkenaan elective atau practikal di malaysia winter yg lepas.these essays were long overdue,pardon me.tarikh last submission ialah next friday cuma mereka boleh di siapkan 3 weeks ago kot.so this is not something to be proud of but enough to make me happy.tomorrow i just need to finalise the word count and print them out.

so mari nyanyi lagu fireflies nie ramai-ramai sbb lagu nie buat i happy.selain penyanyi nya yg sgt lah kawaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeiiiiiii,me myself would like to believe this planet earth turns slowly.kehkehkeh.

okeh selepas menyanyi,tibalah masa untuk senyum smp telinga.saya dah trima email dr laut.ptg td =) owh angau betul la kamu.email pun nk kecoh kan?tapi itu buat saya happi.betul-betul happi.whatever makes me happi is important!geddit?tak,bukan nk cari gaduh,saja je clarify things.hehe.

i wished i could spread the happi aura to all people around me and readers too.make my wish come true,will ya?simple je,be happi too!:)

and today,for the first time we organized a babyshower for our dear classmate.nie celebration untuk ibu mengandung dengan men'shower'baby wif prezzies.colourful event and very fun indeed.at 25,she's a wife,30weeks preggie and going to become a doctor soon.happy kan?for pictures click here key.pictures courtesy of ms aizagreendaisy

dah 3 pg.i tido dulu key.takut bgun 3 ptg plak ntii.toodle!

p/s:i nak baby boy.sbb i akn sejuk perut kalau dia dpt chromosome Y yg sama dgn syir dan jd lelaki yg penyabar seperti dia.tgi sgt ke angan2 i?wawawa!

.anxious.

2010-03-05T16:37:00.000-08:00

salam.

dah lama tak tak rasa begini.rasa indah waktu nk tido.berbaloi dan layak untuk pejam mata.the last time i felt this way masa kat matrik dulu.blajar,blajar dan blajar je kerjanya.distractions xbyk.internet takde,walkman guna battery besar tu lae yg mmg takleh replace selalu bla habes.duit ilek.tv plak dlm blik tv yg jauh ya amat.boyfriend pula...erm,kami masih dlm mengenal hati budi.cheewah.msa tu still keep professional la kunun kan.kan incik syir?ahaks.poyo.kelas dr 7.40pg smp 5ptg.balik,smbg lae smp 12 mlm.wktu tu tutup buku, solat dan bila baring tu...nikmat btul.takde golek2 dah.trus zaaappp ke alam mimpi.

skrg dah mlas.asek berpoya-poya je kerjanya.bila mlm-mlm sblm tido mst rsa bersalah sbb hari xproductive.xbest btul.takde kepuasan bila nk tido.huhu.nk maintain the same pace blajar mcm dulu mgkin kna pakai pacemaker kot.haha.apa-apa pun alhamdulillah,tuhan bg rsa balik nikmat cam dulu w'pun skali-skala.

harini anxious betul la.tak dak email dr laut.slalunya tak pernah miss everyday dpt.satu-dua ayt pun baca ulang2 yg tu dr start dpt smp ke mlm.dh kantoi kan.ahaks.takpe,tak kisah dah.mmg yg itu je kena sayang kan? :)

ok lah.nk titun.supaya cepat pagi menjelma dan hopefully bekalan ubat saya untuk senyum juga sampai.

nite semua.

.fluctuation.

2010-03-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

salam.

i have good news!syir has been onboard for a month already!hohoho!good to know right? :) 5months left and still counting.i just noticed this while fixing the daisypath tickers before midnight just now.so today,he's a month and a day working hard on the ship.syian alahai.hurm...at the moment he must be floating away on south china sea i would say as his tanker just departed from bintulu yesterday.tetiba rasa nak nyanyi "row,row,row ur boat!"hehe.he reminded me last weekend in one of his emails on how fast time flies that he's nearly a month being away from me.i, on the other hand is totally disagree when he used the word'fast' as an adjective sbb saya rasa lamaaaaanyerrrr sebulan baru!huhuh!plus lately our communications has to be limited due to my circumstances as a final year medical student.that's how our relationship is from the beginning.he would leave me alone to study in peace when exam's around the corner.tapikan,saya nie main-main.klau ada curfew on phone calls or chatting mst tak ikut sgt.but when he's sitting his final exam in the UK dulu,mmg he refused to waste his time like me.phone calls dr everyday trus cut down once a week saja(best gila dulu call UK-Ireland free!hari-hari bley gayut!).~~separuh gila jugak la org kat sini~~.haha.but i know he always concerns and being extra cautious about my studies because as evryone knows,medicine is difficult all around.mungkin juga klau saya sgkut(God forbid laa),lg lambat la ehem-ehem.haha.joking!erm.......................................................i miss him.i guess i have to be patient.another 2 months and i'll b free and he's definately looking forward to that moment too!

and talking about my studies,cuba tgok kat ticker sebelah....hehe.lagi 3 bulan.eh..eh..dh jd 2 bulan++ nk graduate!tp sebelum graduate kena exam dulu.ya Allah,ngeri tau pk nk exam ni.huhu.tp dlm sibuk2 study sempat saya mem'booking'tickets tok berjalan2 masa cuti nti.this time my family will join yours truly.really can't wait.i think all of us will be backpackers soon.mana taknya,i will start jumping airports soon.haha.and jika ada rezeki,i'll be celebrating my silver jubilee buffday this year somewhere else pulak.this is gonna be fun!=D

cheapo ticket-hunting activity nie mmg mengeluarkan byk adrenaline dan menyebabkan saya masih alert w'pun dh 2.30 pg.okies,i need to force myself to sleep.esok nk bgun suboh.hehe.

nite!

p/s:korang ada idea tak nk bg apa klau nk anta parcel kat bf/tunang/suami di atas kapal tu?dh kering idea pk.

last year i celebrated my buffday with aiza and Eiffel.this year?we'll see.heee

prolonged.

2010-03-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

salam,

i couldn't stand this anymore.looking at the illustrated man's private anatomy and reading about what can go wrong with it makes me wanna puke!(no offence guys,it's just my automatic neurological reaction towards thousands of words need to be read that give me the nauseous feeling!).

yes,this is my second for today.look at what day-offs can do to my blog.more frequent entry yoww.hehe.so,it's not the matter of lack of input then,it's the matter of lack of time!no? =)

anyway,i cried hard enough today that i think not even a drop left in my tear ducts(exeggerated!).i've been having this labile mood for the past few days where i got easily irritated and even small matters make me wanna cry a river.so not tough!(bak kata my friend back home,ahaks)could it be delayed PMS?depression(nauzubillah!) or maybe march is approaching?yes,why march?i dislike march.if only i could eliminate march from the gregorian calendar,then i would.why again?it's still crystal clear in my mind on st patrick's day 2008 we were happily marching to see the parade,wearing almost green from head to toe,taking pictures with whatever passed us by that day.what i didn't know is that was the last day i still have someone to call a father because i lost him the very next day. there goes the solid reson why i detest march.come march,my mind will automatically start counting to the 18th subconciously eventhough i tried very hard to surpress.i always pray i'll forget the date.it's not that i purposely want to forget someone once so dear to me and someone who sacrificed his everything to raise me up.it's just the thought of it is so painful that its severity is greater than any pain i've ever felt physically.last february i braved myself again visiting his final resting place.this is most probably the hardest action that i have to take because even the sight of his batu nisan froze me and immediately,saya rasa sebak dan pedih dalam dada.i couldn't even talk,i barely stood on my feet and my true feeling was i want to cry my lungs out like a child at that time.it's so deep in me that regretted i wasn't there with my mum and my sister to share the tears,the sorrow that heavily burdened them or at least see his face for the last time.i still remember i was confuse,emotionless and still in denial when they showed me where his final resting place was for the first time.for a few mins i didn't know what to do.my heart was saying this couldn't be true!he's somewhere on the road working.but i didn't shed a tear.....i guess it's all bottled up till now that i slowly feel his abscence especially when i needed a dad's advice.

maybe i have yet to come to term that he's not coming back anymore.......

p/s;i'm going to be ok.thanx to someone who's concerned bout me regarding the last post.luv u.

like the rain

2010-03-01T04:58:00.000-08:00

salam.

sometimes what we need to do is just cry....

and we'll be fine.

aku manusia kayu.kamu batu?

2010-02-26T15:27:00.000-08:00

salam.

this hijab is part of my existence.
siapa dah tgok my name is khan? what say you?

rindu nk dapat surat bersetem dari laut.panjang berjela dan boleh ulang-ulang baca bila rindu.skrg boleh email hari-hari.maka,tiada surat lagi.i don't know wether this is good or bad.agaknya kalau karang email sebulan baru boleh dapat sepanjang surat bersetem kot =P
mungkin kamu tidak bersyukur------>kata cik jeem kepada diri sendiri dalam hati.

dublin masih seperti dulu.sejuk beku.

nite dublin.

.beautifully arranged.

2010-02-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

salam.

ahaaa, jeem has finally changed the boring layout!*clap2x*whats with the title?well...hard to explain.it could be temporary,or permanent.actually i ran out of idea of what to name the blog as.after a few mins of thinking,i decided to name it as such as it potrays our life.whatever happens daily is beautifully arranged by The Almighty.that's what i always believe.so doesn't matter wether good or bad things that happen,i'll try to accept them with open heart because i know God only gives us something that we can endure.so..itulah alkisahnya.hope u guys like the new layout.tp i rasa agk self-obsessed sket la.semua pun muka sendri.ahaha.but i really love the header!taken by syir's bestfriend a.k.a my friend jugak la.heee.....thank you mil.

it's been a long time since the last post aight?nothing interesting to update actually.i've been thru the same old routines basically.but to leave this space empty is kinda of irresponsible in some way so here i am,trying my best not to bore u all.anyway,it's been a month and 4 days since i'm enganged to incik syir.a few people asked me how do i feel?to be honest,nothing much really change.cuma i rasa we become closer and more honest towards each other.not that we've been cheating or being dishonest before,it's just we can openly say what we feel to each other and that includes nasty critics.haha.for an instance;his youngest sister said i'm like yuna(omg i'm flattered!but ladies,i tahu i BUKAN yuna ok.hehe).when i told him that,he laughed at me(i know he filtered the laughter to tone it down not to piss me off)and told me just because i wear my scarf the same way as yuna did doesn't make me the super-talented-with-owh-merdunya-suara yunalis zarai.owh my gebu and chummel mr fiance,i know where i stand okay.but i have this one word to counter him back.just call him chummel,he'll sulk!haha.chummel for him means chubby.hehe.being engaged to him also permits me to get to know his family better.although i'm still nervous meeting the family but at least i could talk to them more than 10 words compared to before.hehe.

owh ya,one more thing,about the big day....no exact date yet.most probably it's going to be next year,pertengahan tahun.biasalah,nak matchkan our holiday is worse than rocket science.lambat lagi kan huhu but looking at the bright side,bolehla beli kereta idaman kalbu dulu kan.hehehe.my sister advices me to start preparing from now like buying the hantarans,start surveying the theme color and whatnots.well,i think no harm starting early.i tanak jd mcm tunang.nak pengsan wat semua last minute.luckily it went well.=)

bila tepak sireh bertemu sireh junjung

okey people,i better leave you here.nti entry nie jd novel pulak.hehe.take care and be happy okay.muax2x!

p/s:tomorrow nite i'll be seeing ms gaga.can't wait to see her outfit surprises!hehe.

never ending.

2010-02-09T00:51:00.000-08:00

salam.

life is a never-ending learning process.wether we like it or not,we are full-time students throughout our lives.anyway,i just finished my 6 weeks of electives.well,supposedly it ends this friday but i got all the necessary forms signed off yesterday.so i went to hospital this morning to bid goodbyes and clerked a few last patients in PGH as a student.iA when i come back to PGH the next time i might be the HO(tolong doakan saya) on-duty.=)

another interesting point to tell is i could drive on my own now.hehe.nie mmg paling lame but bear with me,i've been waiting too long for this moment to happen.haha.it feels like i just pass my driving test padahal dh lesen full pun saya nie.cuma jrg bawak.mak said now i can buy my own car if i want to.the problem is,where to get the money lah?

and dear fiance,if u were here,i would have asked you to cross the bridge to have have some fun with me since i'm off from hosp already but since u'r far away,i save it in my voicebox sahaja.sobs.

eh ok la...i have to fetch my sis from work.her chauffeur la now.

till then.

=)

words

2010-02-03T05:49:00.000-08:00

salam.

semasa perbualan di meja makan sewaktu makan mlm,saya bersama mak and akak ada berbincang tentang bahana mengumpat atau mengata org.susah betul rasanya nak buang perbuatan nie.kadang-kadang ia berlaku di luar sedar.sedap-sedap bercakap,oppppsss...termengata orang.masa saya kerja part-time dulu,ada org atasan berkata,dalam dunia ni,baik kita mengata org dulu sbb somehow org akn mengata kita wether we like it or not.this statement is easily agreeable.hurm....tapi on second thought,yang salah tetap tetap salah.tak kisah lah w'pun realiti nya tetap pahit.dalam situasi saya yang mentah waktu itu..sgt pun mengangguk da mengiya setuju walau dalam hati berat kepada membangkang sahaja kenyataan tu.sbb masa kecik pergi fardhu ain ustazah cerita nabi dulu kalaupun yahudi dan nasrani membaling najis kepada baginda,tidak pernah sekalipun baginda membalas perbuatan tu dengan yg jahat juga.sampai hari ini saya menyesal sbb masa belajar di matrik dulu ada sepotong ayat yang ditampal oleh senior di dinding.'berkata benarlah walaupun pahit'.semoga saya lebih kuat mempertahankan kebenaran di masa akan datang.

and today i had a bad moment which i think my friendship couldn't be saved anymore.i don't know what went wrong but it hurts me so much that i just want to stop trying.when u just walked away without a word,i knew it's time for me to move on.thank you friend.i wish u well.

on a different note,perhaps a cheerful one,i received a first email from the sea.org kata ia lah racun.ia lah penawar.

saya pilih penawar.

:-)

as the distance grows apart..

2010-01-30T23:43:00.000-08:00

salam.

harini cuaca terang benderang.panas terik diluar sana.selalunya hujung minggu begini,kalau tidak di penang,mungkin di ipoh ataupun di tempat lain.tapi minggu ni memerap di dalam bilik sahaja.teruk betul kesedihan kali ini.dulu-dulu tak pernah rasa begini..bila tgok gambar...laee sedih.smlm tanya syir,klau sedih nak buat apa?TIDO katanya.hahahah.

syir dah selamat smp atas kapal kat bintulu nun.harini i decided not to go anywhere sbb harini dan esok sahaja boleh sms and kol sblum kapal bergerak.lepas tu hanya email sahaja penghubung setia.sometimes i wonder how i survived those days without any means of communication for about 2 weeks for years.yg boleh email hari-hari ni pun baru sahaja,i think it started from the last ship.alhamdulillah.harap-harap kapten rajin la update the system.and he agreed to board the same ship as the previous one.reason behind it?one of it will be short gap in btween 2 ports.around 6-7 days dah bleh sms or calling-calling.i like..i like.tapi sian dia,lepas nie everyday is monday and chances nak bgun lmbt mmg close to 10% je kot.huhu.but being his other half,i have to support him.be his backbone where possible.and don't worry the next time he signs off,i'll be right here waiting for him; ) dan boleh raya bersama-sama jugaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!

gambar sebelum i jd tunang dia.i paksa him pose jugak sbb i nak dok dlm ray ban baru dia.hihihi.tp cara dia mcm volunteer je.muaheheh.i'm definately going to miss this guy,the syir of my life..

thank you,love.

2010-01-28T07:39:00.000-08:00

salam.

for more than a month i was living on cloud nine.
everything was bright and dandy.
everything was perfect,in our own way.
the laughter and tears i shed were all worth it.
if i were given a chance to choose again or to start anew,i would still go for what i have chosen before.
it's truly priceless.
the moments,the happiness and the real joy,owh boy i couldnt ask for more.

when the reality knocks me hard,i've learnt before not to stumble.
but to remain strong on the base of trust and loyalty.
i know i'll cry.
i know i'll break down.
i'm sure one of those days going to be very tough.
but dear self,keep ur feet tight to the ground as once the ship drop its anchor into the sea floor,you'll fly again to the bluest sky.

credit to azmil

sayu pula tgok gambar ni.just a week after our engagement ceremony.
a lot of things i still haven't done for him and yet he's off sailing again .

saya doa Tuhan lindungi anda.
be back safely.promise me.

sobsobsob.

upgrading.

2010-01-17T01:11:00.000-08:00

salam.

fakta
gambar dia atas adalah saya dan apa yg dijari itulah faktanya.menurut incik ichigo tiada byk perbezaan antara status lama dan baru.bg saya,ia hanyalah untuk mengelakkan saya disunting org lain dan untuk menyenangkan plan ke alam perkahwinana.whatever it is,i'm happy.afterall,this is a good thing,isn't it?

:-)

separa fakta
hampir kesemua rakan dan sahabat baik saya ada di sisi.adalah menjadi impian saya dr dulu to have my great buddies during the ceremony and they were there.ada a few yg couldn't make it but i'm sure they have solid reason why.tetapi having mostly around really made my day.it's a dream came true.

myth
tangkap gambar bersama tunang sendiri adalah tidak baik masa hari pertunangan?huhu.mcm tidak.tetapi saya hormat setiap kepercayaan dan other people's preferance.cuma kesian saya pada incik ichigo sungguh tebal.huhu.

plan
lepas nie nak panggil incik ichigo as syir.i love the name since the day i've first said it.rasa berbunga say his name that way.dan nk belanja mak and kakak yang bertungkus lumus mengelola majlis.tidak terjangkau the effort they put on this.love both of you to bits.

till then,take care and salam.

rasa.

2010-01-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

salam.

rasa nak pengsan penat.

rasa nak lompat pun ada.

rasa takut,come and go.

rasa nervous?kadang-kadang.

rasa best?ahaks.

rasa gundah gulana semua ada.

tapi paling best antara semua adalah rasa tidak sabar.

=)

mixed up.

2010-01-11T08:38:00.000-08:00

salam.

things are super duper hectic.despite the ups and downs,i'm still in one piece alhamdulillah.now time is so precious even sleep feels like a waste of time.

24 jan cuti-cuti malaysia lagi.
tak sabar.

i wished i could stop myself dr menyusahkan byk org esp mak,kakak dan incik ichigo.
to them,thank you for loving me for me.
i couldn't ask for more.huhu.

3.30am

2009-12-25T13:21:00.000-08:00

salam,

i think i'm just gonna let this jetlag win over me.how funny to wake up at this odd hours and later sending a telepathy message to the other half saying "i'm awake now,plis call"and he did.aha.he's funny too for waking up at 3.30am to drop me a msg expecting me to be wide awake which i was!see,we both funny.

i hope my cortisol would find her rhythm back.give me my beauty sleep back please=(

punca jet lag.

brighter.

2009-12-24T17:32:00.000-08:00

salam.

after long winding hours and bumpy rides,i'm safe and sound at home.when the warm gush of wind swept my face,i knew i'm back in penang,the place that i'm always in love with.and now my current favourite word is landing.i dunno how many times i heard this word for the last 3 days.and i think i'm in the worst jetlag ever.feeling like sleeping 24 hours and unfortunately my eyes show.but i'm still amazed how i survived the triple flights,the delays,the snow,the low temperature and whatnots.

the feeling of seeing my brother and my little nephew waiting at the departure gate is beyond words as always.the huge sense of relief is the best feeling ever.and what i got for myself the next day is faboulously beautiful=)

and another favourite moment, not another sandwich or nasik goreng perencah.

i'm supposed to meet mrs lune on wed but she has had a meeting to attend to which is totally understandable considering the last minute plan and such.but i do hope we can meet up someday and maybe with more bloggers as well(such as org tg malim*hint..hint*)hehe.

and i think i couldn't get enough hugs from mak and kakak.what a joy!:)))))

the joy of coming home is synergised by the news of my niece who has done extremely brilliant in her PMR.i think i just found someone who's going to inherite my medical kitabs that i'm glad to get rid of.(meaning tak sabar nk grad and habes belajar la ni.master pikir kemudian=P).i'm so proud of you!

okie dokie,
before i sign off,to my housemate,ms sarah marilyn amin and anyone who celebrate christmas,happy christmas!

dh lama takdak gambar camni.layan je lah eh?heeeee

calling for passengers of malaysia airlines MH001.

2009-12-19T06:23:00.000-08:00

salam.

wawawa.

i'm smiling from ear to ear now.what else is better than feeling free after exam and counting days to go home?hujan batu di negeri org,hujan emas di negeri sendri.mmg hujan batu indeed!2days ago.i dengaq bunyi hujan yg maha dahsyat dr dlm bilik i.mmg hujan batu pun.and it was snowing the whole day yesterday.isn't it awesome?!perhaps irish will get what they're wishing for,a white christmas.but when it's snowing,we know we need extra piece of clothes underneath the thick-already-warming jacket to fight the cold.but hey,i'm going home to enjoy the warm sunny climate.gorgeous!=)so get ur sunnies ready ms jeem and let's sunbathing!heheh.

anyway,lately mmg i ada author's block.hence the absence of any post for a while.and i was caught up with exams too.and i'm super lazyyyy.

okies.enough for today.i think i need to go out.it's sunny outside and darkness is creeping in soon.i better hurry!

taaa.