when things are not falling into place.

salam.

its been a long time i came here to write.time decided to go against me nowadays.i barely breathe,whatmore to write.so lets start before i lose grip again on the mighty time.

before 5.
work is truly crazy.i never imagined not having any sleep in 24hours but since i started working in a new department,i was awake for 37hours  working non-stop during on-calls.so there goes the human rights to sleep all out the window.and talking about the mean things about working life,i think all of the living creatures in the hospital have no mercy towards each other at all.the nurses will bug u non-stop,from signing investigation forms to checking transfusion bloods series number from dusk till dawn.to top it up,the specialists will simply order  weird blood investigations(that u have never heard of) and blood cultures from morning to odd hours eventhough they are well aware TB labs are close non-working hours and viral loads and CD4 count can only be run on tue and thurs only.dan patient pula,stop ingesting clorox,racun serangga dan ubat gegat for these things are not even food or edible,MORONS!even writing about all these things give me shortness of breath.now i feel like running away.run away from the chaos in hospital.run away from never-ending ward works.in short,just quit being a doctor.

selepas pukul 5.
i'm souless.no mood to be human anymore.i practically dragged myself home.i even dozed off while driving at times.God loves me he saved my journey back home despite the recklessness and lethargy while driving.Sometimes i wished i hit the divider and broke my femur and not having to go to work for months.haha.silly me!the worst thing about this  crazy work is not having enough time for family and my loved one.stupid work.i lost count on how many times i cursed my job.but i'm grateful to God for sending my angelic mother who prays everyday so that i'm strong enough to face these trials and tribulations of so-called glamourous job of mine and a sister who iron my clothes on days i slept earlier than 9 and packed my lunch the night before as she noticed i'm not as chubby as before.God bless them.and God,please send syir all the happiness in the world for his patience and understandings towards me is far greater than i thought.

tomorrow i'm going somewhere not so near,yet not so far away,IAllah.it's somewhere i used to go with bapak.the short and sweet trips we used to had together.ah,the good old days and the memories that pierce my heart so softly yet so painfully felt.