masih ada.

salam.

guess what sleep deprivation has done to me?the predictables,cranky and moody.luckily i'm alone at home and it's ramadhan.dan syir pulak tido.mcm dia tahu-tahu saja.bukan apa,time moody-moody nie memarahi boyfriend/tunang mmg satisfiying menurut kata one of my junior which i coudn't agree more.haha.don't try this at home.

anyway,yesterday i was cleaning my mum's room.changed and washed the bedsheets and pillow cases.the washing part washing machine la yg buat kan.swept the floor and arranged the folded clothes back into the wardrobe.masa nk tukar cadar tu,i terjumpa my late father punya fave kain pelikat.tetiba i wonder what was it doing on the bed around the pillows?owh,mungkin juga somebody needs that to pray...say my brother-in-law or my uncle(s) during any visits and perhaps my mum lupa nk ambil basuh or simpan?tetiba i terfikir,maybe itu pengubat rindu my mum kat my dad?the one she holds when she missed him so badly.klau betul my second guessing tu,i rasa sedih dan terharu.i'm sad because no matter how much i miss syir at times,i tahu akan akn jumpa lagi one day ngan dia.but for mak?huhu.dan terharu sbb i dpt witness cinta sebenar yang org kata cinta smp mati.and she always tells me she dreamt of my dad almost every single day!it's been 2 years and 6 months already.

nti raya pertama i nk ajak kakak pergi jumpa bapak first thing after solat raya.i rindu.

remaining.

salam.

it has been 3 days since mak left us for umrah.the house is a bit gloomy and uncheerful.if not i would be hearing her sewing machine running and  making the noisy sound that started usually after she finished her Al-Quran classes every morning.when i came back from sending her off last friday,my eyes caught the very unusual sight.all the sewing machines(the true sewing machines(the new and old ones,both still work!),mesin jahit tepi(i dunno how to translate this)) are nicely folded and covered.terus rasa mcm nak menangis.eventhough she's away during the first 5 days of my first hari raya after 6 years abroad,i don't really mind(i do at first,i was mad at her in fact!).as a daughter,what makes her happy,makes me happy too.seeing her very excited to go to a place she had longed for ,for years enough to tell me that there's nothing i should be mad at.semoga kepergian mak ke mekah kali nie dpt mengubat kerinduan mak sejak mak balik untuk pertama kali dulu.be safe mother and my prayers always be with you.

of another note,i started my applications for job already.it's better to do it now than after raya.takut rushing nanti.semoga Allah permudahkan.rasa in denial pulak nk kerja.seronok betul menganggur sebenarnya-minus the miskin part la.haha.

my one and only picture wearing whitecoat during  medical school.comot.sbb tu tanak amek gmbr time blajar byk2.nie pun last day of school before final exams.seb baik syir first kenal i thru middle person.klau tak,takmau kot dia kat i.haha.sebenarnya,i dah rindu belajar.sobsob.

eat pray love

salam.

The Balinese don't wait and see"how things go." That will be terrifying .They organize how things go,in order to keep things from falling apart.

eat pray love

elizabeth gilbert

            

i've tried to find a more meaningful quote from this book but i just couldn't remember in what page or the dog ear seemed to unfold itself.owh well,this one is not that bad kan.i can't wait to watch the same title movie based on this book although it took me ages to finish this book sbb byk sgt benda baru nk kena digest.with julia roberts as the main cast(liz),i'm sure the movie wont be dissappointing.and by reading the book,bali looks so tempting that it makes me wanna extend my jobless period so that i can  experience its beauty,peace and serenity.

offnote,rasa sgt beryukur sgt tuhan bagi kelapangan hati dan keseronokan Ramadhan untuk saya kali nie.ntah kenapa semayang terawikh tak rasa berat seperti tahun2 sebelumnya.berbuka pun ala kadar masak snedri je tapi itu dah lebih dr cukup.tak pernah lagi ke bazar ramdhan.mungkin towards the end nti kot.yang penting dengan siapa kita berbuka kan and for me,family and loved ones are the greatest company.Alhamdulillah.dan semua org yg saya sayang dekat saje kali.keluarga,tunang dan besties.one of them baru je balik dr UK.seronok nk jumpa.dan malam nie ada berbuka dgn angel dan charlie saya.w'pun xcukup seorang angel,plan kena jalan.it's ok,raya nti harap2 dah boleh complete.ok lah,selamat resume ramadhan  nie ye kawan-kawan.

kisah semangkuk laksa.

salam.

dear syir,

i'm home,safe and sound..and as usual,fully-loaded.sorri tak msg/call awal.semua org decided tinggal hp kat rumah mlm nie.sian saya kacau awak tido td.

masa saya nak cari  seat dlm bus td kan,saya langgar smua org yang dah duduk dengan bag2 saya yang agk byk dan besar tu.naseb baik awak tolong pack kan.kalu tak,lagi byk.ye la,mcm-mcm mak awak bg kan sblum sya balik.laksa,nasi,even bbur lambuk pun ada.nk makesure saya tak lapar atas bus lepas buka puasa.seronok tau dpt mak yang rajin masak mcm mak awak.tu belum masuk 4 biji limau bali yg boleh tahan saiz dia.mak saya gelak je saya bli byk tu.dia kata mak suruh beli sebiji je(tp sya tak dengar pun dia kata sebiji tu)mereka pasrah je.hehe.pastu kan compartment atas tempat letak beg tu takleh buka la pulak.nama je bus baru..tp xsma mcm bus dulu-dulu.end-up kat bawah tempat letak kaki penuh dgn bag.tp saya duduk la jugak.nk buat mcm mana kan.masa tu nk makan bekal tu mcm payah la pulak.dgn beg kiri-kanan,atas-bawah.saya dah gelisah asyik tringat laksa mak awak tu.ni awak punya pasal,dok promote2 dlm kereta td.lepas saya meksure bus masuk highway and tiada lagi pit stop nk ambil more penumpang,saya jalan ke driver tanya"bang,seat kosong kat belakang tu takde org duduk ke?boleh saya duduk tak?"(kebetulan saya survey2 ada la 3 baris kosong kat belakang).abg tu jawab"takde.duduk la mana kamu nk duduk".owh ini mmg peluang keemasan.saya pun apa lagi,jlnkan proses pemindahan bag..dan dptlah saya 2 seats for myself.lepas tu kan awak,saya trus bukak mangkuk laksa tu.bukak2 je,saya nampak telur rebus separuh utk mkn dgn laksa.perghhh...mmmg nikmat.saya rasa tak smp 10 mins kot,laksa tu pun dah selamat masuk perut.see...siapa kata saya segan.saya tak kira dah satu bus bau ke...saya tetap nk makan.mmg betul kata awak,laksa tu sedap gile.mcm mkn kat kedai.ini bukan nk amek hati,tp betul2.baik awak belajar mcm mana nk buat nie dr mak awak..sbb saya rasa 85%chance saya akn kempunan laksa nie bila saya mengandung nt(in future la,bukan skrg)hehe.buatnye saya nk mkn tgh2 mlm,takkan nk kol mak awak kots.kan? :D

owh selain makanan dan limau bali,beg saya juga mengandungi sepasang baju kurung biru.eccceyyyy mcm tajuk lagu raya pulak kan?terima kasih byk2 belikan untuk saya.honestly,walau pun saya ada baju kurung lain yang sepasang 200-300ringgit,baju kurung biru nie tentunya akan jadi baju kurung yang paling saya sayang.sebabnya awak yang bagi.baju kurung pertama dari awak.saya tak kisah pasal harga,cantik ke tak(kalau tak cantik mst kita tak beli kan)...apa yang penting,awak sanggup redah lebih dari sepuluh kedai dgn saya(tolong jgn serik okkk).u were there when i tried them on.U WERE THERE!tolong bagi pendapat,tolong kutuk jugak la kan.but i wouldn't mind(for now la,klau dah kawen nti,awak kutuk lagi saya gemok,siap!)itu yg paling saya hargai. :) trust me,i love it! the bju kurung and YOU.

and lastly,terima kasih berbuka puasa air apple dan jagung rebus je dgn saya dan tunggu saya tdi sehingga bus jalan eventhough saya di dalam,awak di luar.kalau saya tahu driver tu lambat dia buka puasa dulu,saya dh trun bawak laksa-laksa sekali kita makan dolu.mula-mula saya mmg nak awak tgu smp bus jalan.igtkan sekejap.tp after more than 15 mins,saya kesian sbb saya tau awak lapar.kita berbuka tak proper bus pun smp.awak tak mkn apapun lagi.kalau awak balik pun saya redhoo.hehe.tp smp bus jalan saya nampak muka awak tercongok tgu saya.sayu betul nak balik.sobsobsob.

sya syg awk byk-byk.

yang benar,
si comel awak(kikiki)

the-laws.

salam.

http://www.cartoonstock.com/

i can't hardly wait yet thrilled to meet mr fiance tomorrow.i'm going to his place tomorrow,yes to future inlaws' place just in case u're wondering.i really don't like the feelings i have now let alone to think deeply on what's gonna happen tomorrow or their perceptions on me.it's not that i don't like them.they are fine,in fact they treated me well before like i'm one of their own but to be honest i always think i'm below par compared to those who had spent their teenage years under their moms' nose so that they have near-to-perfect attidude of soft-spoken,delicate,lemah-gamalai,sopan-santun (who could stand duduk bersimpuh for hours without having the urge to change sitting positions every minutes like i did) type of ladies.i spent most of my time best to learn these protocols in the west.that's what i'm afraid of.the thoughts of me breaking any plates or glasses while helping the mum serving dinner,water splashing while cleaning the dishes and worst running out of words to talk to the dad have been echoing in my mind from the minute i said yes to syir and they could be my only nightmares in my sleep tonight.am i too paronoid.?and frankly speaking,im not the kind who's chatty with just anybody.i picked people.not that i'm that arrogant,it's just im shy-shy cat.haha.if u gain enough trust out of me,believe me,we can talk till dawn.why not just stay quiet in penang?too many times he had asked me to go over to his place but i kept saying no.now that he's signed off and available to be there with me,i think i'm running out of excuses anymore.the next question is...what to wear?i don't know.i dont' know.i don't want to be hypocrite by wearing a baju kurung which i just wear during eid or when attending weddings.it makes me wanna stumble when i'm standing up.waaaa....i really wished i could talk as friendly as possible to his parents like some people who do it effortlessly and flawlessly.yes flawlessly.i think the problems with this issue are there were to many rules&regulations,DOs&DONTs and unneccessary protocols that complicate things regarding joining another family but not quite yet, if u get what i mean..too bad jeem,u came from the root which has this phrase from eons ago long before you even existed that says'biar mati anak.jgn mati adat".my reply will be 'baik mak.". :)

hurm....but i have to get over this....to face the fears and most importantly just  be myself.i wouldn't want my future daughter in-law(if i have any son to begin with.haha)to pretend to be what she's not..right?and afterall,syir akan ada dengan i all the time pun(i'll makesure he is).tolong doa i tak chicken out last minute.haha.no.no.no.*while wriggling my index finger left-right-left*

berbunga-bunga.

hyde park.london.spring 2010.

salam.

i was nearly going to name this post as childbirth.what a name!haha.

well,these few days have been euphoric.with mr fiance just a few hundreds km away(landed.trust me,it does make a difference compared to when he's sailing) and fasting month environs that is sooo different from previous years,i think i never felt much better to i am now.now dh boleh remove ticker berapa bulan dia onboard tu.sakit mate je tgok.haha.

rasa seronok sgt fiance dh dekat dgn i.our relationship i would say is like a pregnancy-childbirth cyle.ask a pregnant woman what does it feel to become pregnant.mst dia ckp mcm-mcm ada.sakit,pening,loya,nk muntah,hyperemesis(muntah terlalu kerap),letih,malas..u name it.semua ada.put the terible things aside,apart from those,mst rasa super happy+nervous when she found out there's a baby growing in the womb.pasti rasa superrrr excited when the baby starts kicking.then rasa terharu bila pergi scan dgr heartbeat and nampak how the lil one looks like in it's crib(at that time is the womb,still(hehe)then comes the dramatic part....childbirth.for 9months,all the pain and hardship were bearable but when the final battle starts,God knows how excruciating the pain is.the screaming,gassing or if intolerable sesangat...epidural.tapikan bila baby kuar,dpt tgok muka dia....hilang suma sakit.hilang semua letih bertarung nyawa seketika.even ingatan how the pain was pun poooff!just dissappeared!(the experience told by beloved mother and sisters) ngeeee!

samalah macam tgu mr fiance saya.6 bulan dahulu,when he got the call to sign on...i mcm kucing nk beranak.nervous,SAD...mixed feelings.at the same time i'm thankful that he still got a job to do and this means no delaying of his paychecks.ye lah,with all the living neccessities yang kena bayar,siapa tak risau kan.so off he went.haaa....masa tu i was struggling with my final year....the tension and stress yang sky high made things worse between us.bila dia anchor or masuk port,i pulak ada ward rounds,clinics,lecture,etc....bila i cuti,dia di tgh lautan la pulak.bila i smgt nk call,dia letih baru abes duty.bila dia plak nk chit chat,i pulak merajuk.haha.but he's always the cool one.try to be patient all the time.i macam api.thank god dpt partner camni.tp bila sesekali dpt call,chatting,skyping..mmg hati melompat2 tak cukup tanah.seronok sgt.pernah sekali i rasa nk nangis terharu sbb i dpt tgok muka dia thru skype sbb selalu we ol sembang je.tak pernah webcam.ada je masalah. :)) see these little things do matter for us yg peluang utk communicate sgt susah.dan during his last month onboard was the hardest.i barely lived my life counting the days lamanya lgi dia nk balik.susah nk convince myself i ada 4 to 3 to 2 weeks more before his time is up.the worst thing is when they delayed him from signing off.it's equivalent to a full-term mother with full dilatation still having full+frequent contractions(bukan brixton hicks dah ni) and yet the baby still refuse to come out.haaaa.mcm tu lah.tapi kan...bila dh tgok muka dia balik....rambut dia yg berubah sedikit...senyum dia...bau dia...suara dia...automatically i felt connected! i lupa semua.i lupa berapa kali i nangis sepanjang 6 bulan nie.i lupa berapa kali i promised myself tanak cakap dgn dia lagi.i juga lupa yang dah 6 bulan i tak jumpa dia.it's all worth it.well worth it!

waahhhh panjang gile i bebel kali nie.saje je.dah lama blog nie cam bosaaaan je content dia.hehe.and owh,how's ramadhan treating u guys?i rasa seronok sgt kali nie.i boleh berpuasa dan bertarawikh tanpa perlu mengira berapa hari lagi i kena balik dublin.definately the best feeling ever!dan setiap hari boleh text syir nak ucap selamat berbuka!hehe.alhamdulillah! :)))

happy faces

salam.

he's home :)

welcoming both.

salam.

i have a feeling that this ramadhan will be better.
i hope so.

and i pray that with the beginning of the holy month,all of us will be blessed with good health and pure intentions of doing nothing but good deeds and gain lots of pahala.

:)

maafkan salah silap,terkasar kata mahupun bahasa.
kita insan biasa yang hnya menjadi hamba yang ESA.

selamat menyambut ramadhan al-mubarak.

previously on beautifully arranged....

salam.

last entry i was whining about some uncertainties that bugged me like mad.do you remember?haaa.....at last that thing was confirmed!phewwwwww!nasib baik betul-betul.if not i seriously rasa nak bakar bangunan dayabumi tuh. syir dah serik dah bg nombor agent dia kat i after those episodes of i-called-dia-i-emailed-u-i-called-dia-balik-bla-bla-bla.....sampai berapa kali daaa.tapikan,nasib baik tahap kesabaran i sedikit tinggi.at least i mantained my tone at normal level.optimum la.if not mahu ada la org yg makan dalam kot kena sound.tapikan i dah janji dgn myself,i nk jd lebih penyabar...doa semoga tuhan bantu i.

so i guess i can start counting days,like really do it.hari nie ahad....esok isnin,pastu selasa.owh 2 days more :D

to be honest,excitement yg ada dah declined sedikit as a result of the bad news dulu.i hope in two days time i dpt refresh keterujaan yg baru!

hip.hip.hOOrey!

hide&seek

salam.

it's quarter past one in the morning and im still here.today's already wednesday.another 6 days.
i've tried to book a flight ticket a few times tonight but i guess i'm too traumatised by the recent terrible experience that it affects my judgement wether to just click the 'purchase' button or wait till tomorrow.i deteste the thought of making another call to the agent to confirm the status of mr fiance that suppose to preceed any booking of flight should i make one.i dh cakap kat syir hati i sakit lagi i tak sanggup nk kol lagi.but nak tak nak esok kena jugak kol or else duit atau points enrich possible je melebur begitu sahaja.i couldn't bear any more losses apart from the time that we shoud have had spent together by now..argh,abaikan.

org sebok-sebok tgok baju raya...me and my mum dok sebok cari idea baju nikah.sempat lagi pk nk cari baju bertandang skali.gile.haha.owh before that sempat juga tinjau-tinjau perfume utk buat hntaran.mahal betul lah satu set perfume tu.huwaaa...down.senang2 pakai one drop perfumes je lah buat hntaran.haha.btw,i'm nowhere near the BIG day.it's just i got carried away once in a while.kasik chance la eh?

: p

p/s:when i passed by my hanging stathescope on the bookshelve just now,tetiba rindu nak amek letak dlm whitecoat(owh sekarang dah boleh hang dekat leher dah :)  ).petanda lepas raya je i kena  start kerja.dan i envy my friend yg dah dpt baby or carrying one at the mo.ini bukan petanda ye,ini mengada-ngada!hehe :p