Monday, March 1, 2010



i couldn't stand this anymore.looking at the illustrated man's private anatomy and reading about what can go wrong with it makes me wanna puke!(no offence guys,it's just my automatic neurological reaction towards thousands of words need to be read that give me the nauseous feeling!).

yes,this is my second for today.look at what day-offs can do to my blog.more frequent entry,it's not the matter of lack of input then,it's the matter of lack of time!no? =)

anyway,i cried hard enough today that i think not even a drop left in my tear ducts(exeggerated!).i've been having this labile mood for the past few days where i got easily irritated and even small matters make me wanna cry a not tough!(bak kata my friend back home,ahaks)could it be delayed PMS?depression(nauzubillah!) or maybe march is approaching?yes,why march?i dislike march.if only i could eliminate march from the gregorian calendar,then i would.why again?it's still crystal clear in my mind on st patrick's day 2008 we were happily marching to see the parade,wearing almost green from head to toe,taking pictures with whatever passed us by that day.what i didn't know is that was the last day i still have someone to call a father because i lost him the very next day. there goes the solid reson why i detest march.come march,my mind will automatically start counting to the 18th subconciously eventhough i tried very hard to surpress.i always pray i'll forget the's not that i purposely want to forget someone once so dear to me and someone who sacrificed his everything to raise me's just the thought of it is so painful that its severity is greater than any pain i've ever felt physically.last february i braved myself again visiting his final resting place.this is most probably the hardest action that i have to take  because even the sight of his batu nisan froze me and immediately,saya rasa sebak dan pedih dalam dada.i couldn't even talk,i barely stood on my feet and my true feeling was i want to cry my lungs out like a child at that's so deep in me that regretted i wasn't there with my mum and my sister to share the tears,the sorrow that heavily burdened them or at least see his face for the last time.i still remember i was confuse,emotionless and still in denial when they showed me where his final resting place was for the first time.for a few mins i didn't know what to heart was saying this couldn't be true!he's somewhere on the road working.but i didn't shed a tear.....i guess it's all bottled up till now that i slowly feel his abscence especially when i needed  a dad's advice.

maybe i have yet to come to term that he's not coming back anymore.......

p/s;i'm going to be ok.thanx to someone who's concerned bout me regarding the last post.luv u.

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